I posted here about a year ago...unfortunately I'm back, and my situation has not improved. There are a lot of things I don't understand about my H's behavior so I hope I can get some insight here. The full backstory is in my post history, but briefly:
2006--Married (I was 22, he was 28). 2009--H expressed doubts about marriage. Evidence of H's EA's (multiple). 2012--My EA; H demands divorce but doesn't follow through. 2014--H prepares papers. 2015--I sign papers as he harassed me about it so much, I finally gave in. 2016--D supposed to be finalized Feb. 10th; I panic, hire a lawyer to give me more time. Supposed to file new pleading in 20 days, not sure what to do.
He was my first everything; I went from living with my parents to being married, and the thought of being single terrifies me. After ten years together, I don't know if it's time to let go or not. I have been fighting for our marriage since 2012. I'm so tired.
But here is what I really don't understand, and what I hope you guys can help me with. My H has said that he will not change his mind about the D, and that we don't have a marriage anymore. However, he has also said that he will not tell our friends, he wants me to stay living with him and keep our lives the same (we have a house and a dog, and work together), and that he has no intention of dating anyone else. I asked him why it was so important to him - and he said it was because "the pressure would be off" if we divorced.
Why would he want that? Is it so he can be "free" in case something better comes along? While I am still taking care of the house and our daily lives? He has also indicated that I "need to prove that I don't need anyone to take care of me." And that in a year or so, he "might want to get back together." And he offered to be a sperm donor for me.
For what it's worth, he is losing his hair and is very self-conscious about that. He also bought a motorcycle and a convertible, and expresses doubt about his self-worth in relation to his peers - he feels like he hasn't accomplished anything in life, etc.
On wednesday, when he realized the divorce would not be finalized that day after all, he sat in the car and cried. And I just don't understand. Why is a D so important to him, if he wants me to stay with him and continue on with our lives? Is this even possible?
Me: 31 H: 37 T: 10 M: 9 BD: 2012 H draws up papers: Oct. 2014 H files: Oct. 2015 D final: was Feb. 10, now postponed b/c I hired L. Currently: wondering if it's kinder just to let him go. So confused.
