asambandha

[Fogg]

I can feel where your going with that thought mu and you might not like what I have to say. I understand it because I've done it many times the last year, looking for comforts and reassurances things can work out. Yes, this is about her problems and not just about being done with you, you know that already. I always looked at my W's self-medicating behaviors as something that might give me hope in a twisted way. My W also threw herself into work so she didn't have to face things. That and it provider her some validation in various ways.

I looked at her unhealthy, self-medicating behavior and thought to myself "this isn't about me, it's about her. Since this is a problem with her she might still love me and there's a chance we can work out". It just gave me a temporary comfort that doesn't mean much. If she's totally done, if she's only semi done, if she still loves me, if she loves another man, if she has had second thoughts about me; none of these things guarantee any outcome one way or abother. She could be in love with another man and we end up together or she could still love me and we divorce forever. The same is true for your W, which is why we constantly hear about detaching. There is always a posibility it can work out but never a guarantee.

Sorry mu, you don't have to give up hope she can come around but it might be best if you stop thinking about it to preserve your mentality. You have life to live and she has things to work out, leave her to it.