Your last paragraph says it all! You're on the right track.
Widowed friend of mine just got out of a 6 mos relationship. He looked good on paper but the red flags were there from the start. He was very interested for the first couple of months, then started to pull back. He actually said "I'm superficial" and "I like to gossip"! (This is a fifty year old man). I kept telling my friend that he was broke, she kept trying to assume that he had some savings from some previous success; nope, turns out he has $15k in credit card debt that he will never be able to pay off, and no plans to make more money so he can get ahead.
I'm no money snob, but my friend barely keeps her own family afloat, she can't afford to date a guy who is a financial disaster. And a guy who reaches fifty with no assets and credit card debt, AND no proactive plan to remedy his situation, is not an adult. And he'll be eating cat food in retirement.
