WAW online EA and maybe MLC

[Last]

Money - Does she work? Why doesn't she? What specifically do you pay for?

REALLY interested on everyone's thoughts about the finances

--W wanted to be a stay @ home mom and i supported that. W is now putting all her eggs in one basket applying for a job she is no where near qualified for. Should I encourage W to get any job she can find in the interim? Don't want to be controlling so I am being positive and encouraging when she brings it up and letting her choose her path. i guess the encouraging behavior is a 180, because W thinks I didn't want her to have a job, even though stay @ home mom was her idea. If it is a bill I pay it, mostly family stuff, groceries, car, phone, insurance, food, liquor store, everything. W has had Dinner a few times 2-3 with her close girlfriends and ...I pay that too. Probably just sitting around encouraging W to leave me knowing them. They probably just validate her unhappiness and honestly want her to be happy, but they are not offering words of encouragement for our marriage, that I feel confident of.


Activity 1: What are you goals? They need to focused on you and not things like "Get her to hug me once per week." Instead, "I will try and validate my W at least once per day."

Activity 2: List your 180s. Think of the complaints she has given about specific characteristics of you. These could be things such as poor anger management to spending too much time working to not spending enough time with the kids to never folding laundry.

Hope i did this quote right.

She doesn't really talk to me about anything. i guess the anger comes later? I feel like she is just running away.

Activity 1:(read my R goals from when i was 2 that chapter and they are ALL W will do this/ W will move home by..) Need to regroup

1) I will try to distance and detach by not calling or texting for one week unless absolutely necessary for something about kids.

2) I will stop spying on game

3) I will validate if/when given the chance, for anything (tough because she doesn't talk)

4) I will finish DR this weekend


Activity 2: (180's)

1)to not be jealous or controlling. I will not and have not been asking questions about how she spends her time, what she did, why she bought something etc. No inquires into her actions

2)W thinks I am a hoarder (W is just\st as bad IHMO, but that doesn't matter now)Get the house cleaned and organized. I am getting rid of a bunch of stuff/clutter that annoyed her

3)Physical fitness - Joined a gym and am working with a trainer. I want to be able to rock a tank top...

4)not pursing - always have in the past and was always the first to apologize. Honestly can think of a time she apologized in 13 years.

I feel like these are kind of weak. Maybe once i finish DR I can readdress.

Dude.. These goals are fine if they are valid for you. BUT you even apologized at the end of your post. Stand tall. Stand in the storm my friend. It is HARD. But you must be worthy of respect before you can demand it. I have had to learn some very difficult lessons and I see myself 6 months ago in you.

THIS IS FUTURE YOU CALLING. BE A MAN.

She's gonna do what she's gonna do. The whole DB process is about conquering FEAR and letting go. Don't give into your fear of what she is up to, who she is with, or whatever you are obsessing about. Realize that you are not in control. All you can control is you. Focus on yourself. Improve. Become BETTER than the guy she fell in love with.

Practice NO LOSE thinking. In the end, if you stick to your guns. I will be a better man whether you have her or not. If you invest in yourself you ALWAYS see a positive return.