T0324, I appreciate your input and don't think you're being blunt at all. I've been reading through your story and thinking of how I can apply things to my sitch. Ya, I struggle with getting too distant bc H can literally go months and weeks without talking to me. It's hard not to talk about bills given our financial situation but when we do, I try to remain distant and peaceful. Sometimes he'll tell me something about work which I affirm and end the conversation. But I'm consistent now.
And now you just gave me another perspective on how H might perceive me asking about bills as nagging. Stuff is late, taxes are due, things are getting shut off and I need help but he's just so whatever about it all. He paid our phone bill this morning and I said thank you and he said, "no problem. Trying to help." And then asked me for access to our account. Part of me is like are you kidding me?! But the better judgement, peaceful part of me just says thank you and tries to leave the convo on a good note.
What I don't get is that he has had many months to feel the sting of his actions and doesn't seem phased or empty from any of it. And I've given him a lot of space bc yes, I've let go. I've been working on becoming the woman he fell in love with bc I loved that woman too. And I realize I'm a more mature version of that woman and working to get that in the forefront again.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
