Oh Keefa, it is so great to hear you talking like this! I am so glad that you have hung in here and fought that which was trying to consume you till you gave up on life. You are a perfect example how things in life can turn on a dime. I don't necessarily mean the M, but situations change, and now to hear this happiness in your post b/c you have your boys with you. It's good! So good!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
