I spent about 3-4 hours. Hours reading through all your posts. I really did.
I FULLY understand what you guys mean that A D is just papers. I told my mom one of my fears with my H is he thinks after the D he can act like your xh. Come and goes as he wants, pop in whenever to hangout. I truly think this is how he thinks-wants it. I told him it is not going to work like that and his response was you can't keep my kids away. I can come over whenever I want. (This was long long one of the first fights we had.)
Yes! See we could totally be real life friends. We are at heart the same age range lol. We kinda are twins with how similar everything is going. My birthday is 10/12.
I am trying to be patient. I am a I WANT IT NOW person when it comes to my H.
Yesterday I did so much GAL that I'm SORE. D5 valentines party, met up for starbucks and play date at the park with a bridesmaid from my wedding( no H talk besides telling her I dont want to talk about my H lol). I got the kids dinner, went to zumba, then grocery store at like 8-9 pm with the kids and my mom.
I think the best part was when my H called. He called, I sent a text saying hold on I'll call back in 5. Zumba is loud, you have to walk outside just to hear halfway. If my kids had talked to him yesterday I would not have answered but they are 3&5 and had not heard from him in 2-3 days. He has contacted me but not actually talk to them.
I guess he did not like that and got angry so he ignored my call. I let it go, said whatever in my head, went back to zumba.
30 mins later he calls so I figured FINE if he wants to talk I'll answer the phone with music blaring full blast in his ear. He was so confused, asked what we were doing. I was out of breathe and said Zumba! Talk to kids? ( he talked to the kids and said give mommy the phone) I said alright, I'll talk to you later I am going back in to zumba.
He said wait, I want you to know instead of going to his place (my in laws) he was coming staight home after work to sleep since " I have to babysit the kids anyways" ( he has to babysit at 3-4 pm and he gets off work at 8am..)I just said OKAY! Sounds wonderful we will be gone until noon so the house will be quiet but I'm missing zumba so talk tomorrow? Bye!
Today is going to be great! Breakfast with my friend and her kids, a valentines event, test at school, doing my friends hair (same friend from the morning). Her hubby made amazing valentines day dinner plans so I am doing a gorgeous updo on her for her plans! I went to cosmetology school and updos are my favorite. Prom hair, wedding hair, etc . LOVE IT.
Then my mom said after H leaves we should come spend the night and have a fun pizza party with the kids. ( still a maybe depends on her schedule etc but possible plans.)
Trying to have a great weekend to make up for Vday. I bought myself a bottle of my favorite wine which is moscato d asti. Super sweet and bubbly like myself ( when I'm not being depressed over my life.)
I had my D5 teacher text me and tell me she was so happy to see some happy version of myself at the v day party. She said she misses my happy, fun,outgoing self. ( we are really close so she knows about my situation and I know about hers etc.)
I had my friend from the park tell me that also. She was happy to see me smiling and laughing and that It has been so long since I have been myself.
So this is a new goal. Everyone ALWAYS says I AM a funny, smart, beautiful, sassy, bubbly, always goofy and happy person.
Since my separation- situation- whatever I have had people ask me why I'm so sad and quiet( my in laws do a lot and worry that I am uncomfortable with them. I was like no just being here with the H and having his ignore me makes me uncomfortable.) I had a few people ask me if someone had died, if my dog got ran over, if my kids are okay, if my moms cancers back? I'm like no..I'm fine.
Oh yes I still go to all the family event because he drags me along and my inlaws expect me there since we are still married and half the family doesnt know we are even living apart. For xmas we still took our annual family photo smiling and in our matching outfits.
We took a family photo in January for his grandpas birthday. I asked not to be in it but his mom and my H made me. My BIL wasnt in it but they would not take it without me.
Family events are hard.. When do I stop going? We spent xmas eve, xmas, new years, his bday dinner, his grandpas surprise bday, and the morning before and after his cousins bachelorette ( he watched me get dressed and ready that day.) together.
I think vday we will be together a few hours but it will be treated as a normal boring day.
I am so distracted. I start talking about x,y,z,1,2,3 and get lost in my thoughts. I really should get a journal but I saw he read my " things I am thankful for" journal and the day before he asked for the separation my first entry was I'm thankful for my H and I never touched that book again.
I need to stop procrastinating and get dressed so I will check back in later. Xoxo
