REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#4

[- MB -]

MB...there is NO REASON for you to feel embarrassed about the things you shared. You did nothing wrong.

Thanks Anna, but it really is humiliating and so embarrasing to admit the things that I have allowed myself to call "normal" in my life. And, to desperately want to go back there because I'm too afraid to move on. Honestly, I just feel like nothing at this point and I haven't always been like this.

I understand now why you seemed resistant to earlier suggestions about H having unmet needs and what you might need to so to fix that.

it's typically not possible for any normal human being to meet them no matter how hard they try.

I did try to come up with some things that I could work on. I have always felt like if I could have said something differently so he would understand, or do something a different way, then maybe he wouldn't be mad. He constantly changes what the rules are though. I can't ever figure out what it is that he wants and I have TRIED! No matter what I try, it's about as effective as walking outside and beating my head against the brick wall. So, I would come back to my apartment frustrated, the next day I would go over there determined to try harder, listen more, try better, try something! Eventually, I feel like I gave up and just sat there and tried to not to make him mad. I do feel like I gave up. I just didn't know what else to try or how else to make him happy. And he would make sure that I knew it was my fault. The thing is, in my mind I know he's wrong and that none of this is my fault. But, in my heart I still feel like it is and I don't know how to let go of that.

BTW...it is textbook behavior for individuals with personality disorders to be exceptionally charming in the beginning. It's their hook.

Yes, he was absolutely perfect during that time. All of that changed on our wedding day. Before we got married we used to talk for hours on the phone. I can remember more than once telling him "You are the sweetest man I have ever known." Every time I said that, he would get really serious and would tell me that I was wrong and that I just didn't really know him. He would say that he's not a nice man, he's mean. I just thought he was being modest, certainly never occurred to me he was trying to warn me!