Now what/ Take 2

[melweb]

I am pretty sure I already said this, but this piecing stuff seems harder than actually knowing, or at least thinking, that H was walking out the door. The DR was my manual - now I feel like I'm just winging it. Sure, I have maintained my 180s and upped my GAL, vaildate all the freaking time, and try to remain detatched. However, it feels like its one step forward and two steps back. Plus I am competing with his cell phone which is going to send me to the looney bin very soon.

Also, I feel like some of the progress has been undone. While we haven't slept in the same bedroom in 18 yrs, he had been in my room til 11:00 pm, then coming back in the early morning to snuggle. In the past few weeks, that has been cut to about 8:00, and the last few nights not at all. I have mentioned that this is important to me/us, but his reply is he is tired, likes his room better and needs a good night sleep. This is when my dang brain goes into over active imagination mode, and thinks he just wants to text.

He had also started leaving me love notes with my coffee and sending an email during the day, just to say "Hi beautiful," etc. This has stopped too.

I am aware it sounds pitiful, but these were things we talked about, things that got lost in shuffle, and how important the little things were to each of us.

Sure. He could really be tired. I get that. So how do I stop my imagination from taking over and sending me down the " he's not picking me or putting us first" path?

I should tell you too, that some of these things never bothered me before, and now they are driving me batty. Like I left my purse in the grocery cart today batty!! Ugh.