KGirl - new life, new stuff

[KGirl]

Maybe this feels harder because there's no hope like there was when I was "DBing" : /

Re: learn from the experience. I get caught up in these terrible awful thoughts and feelings where I feel like the biggest failure ever and I don't know what to do with them because I don't feel like I have the information to figure out a response or an answer. It's very reminiscent of times w/ XH where I don't feel like I really understood what happened, don't know why they left me, wish I knew the reasons (lack of closure?) I wonder:
-what the he** is wrong with me that people don't see value in communicating with me when they're unhappy and think it's best to just leave? I have a master's degree in social work, and do counseling for a living, it's not like I refuse to talk through stuff with people - quite the opposite.
-why am I so suffocating to people?
-do I intentionally create drama and sabotage good things?
-am I way over-expecting things of people? why?
-how can I tell if people are going to crap like this on me when they seem good at first? I mean, I have a text from XBF from a day I was stressing about what we were gonna do after work (from a month or so in) that says "Don't worry, K, we always figure it out together. even if there were zombies." How can you trust people when they go back on what they've said?

I honestly can't make sense of it right now. My friends say that I didn't do anything, he just couldn't handle an adult relationship and what it takes to be in one, but they only know my side of the story, so they can't really know. He said I made him feel guilty and pressured - but why? They say I need to be able to put myself out there and be vulnerable if I want to find someone who can give that back but how do you do that when people keep hurting you?