You made me smile so much now. When you find a name for your "situation" then you please inform me too. I will then find out my own situation.
If you look at my thread today, you will see what nightmare I am into and I am already divorced since last august. Crazy has a new face in my block.
I am pretty responsible, I am the baby of my friends too, but there is a side of me that is very crazy. I was a biker and still love them. Some passion I share with RD500.
I like one direction, cry listening to their songs. I like Hip Hop too. Love Snoop Dog, Love Eminem. I even went to a 50 cent and Eminem concert.
My kids always say that I am 10years younger then my age.
Also had a huge crush on a Air Force Pilot back in Brazil. He was my first big love.
Then on a Marine from Poland.
So we are kind of Twins in life. So hang in there my sweet Red. My B-Day is 6/17 - what is yours?
You are doing everything right Red. It is not all on you. He also need to do some soul searching. It's not all done. There is a lot of dirt to thread.
Be patient. Something I am leaning too. Be Patient.
Enjoy the weekend! I feel like hugging you now. So maybe we could cry together because life is so hard right now for both of us.
I am with you in heart and soul. Wishing you can just hang in there.
I spent about 3-4 hours. Hours reading through all your posts. I really did.
I FULLY understand what you guys mean that A D is just papers. I told my mom one of my fears with my H is he thinks after the D he can act like your xh. Come and goes as he wants, pop in whenever to hangout. I truly think this is how he thinks-wants it. I told him it is not going to work like that and his response was you can't keep my kids away. I can come over whenever I want. (This was long long one of the first fights we had.)
Yes! See we could totally be real life friends. We are at heart the same age range lol. We kinda are twins with how similar everything is going. My birthday is 10/12.
I am trying to be patient. I am a I WANT IT NOW person when it comes to my H.
Yesterday I did so much GAL that I'm SORE. D5 valentines party, met up for starbucks and play date at the park with a bridesmaid from my wedding( no H talk besides telling her I dont want to talk about my H lol). I got the kids dinner, went to zumba, then grocery store at like 8-9 pm with the kids and my mom.
I think the best part was when my H called. He called, I sent a text saying hold on I'll call back in 5. Zumba is loud, you have to walk outside just to hear halfway. If my kids had talked to him yesterday I would not have answered but they are 3&5 and had not heard from him in 2-3 days. He has contacted me but not actually talk to them.
I guess he did not like that and got angry so he ignored my call. I let it go, said whatever in my head, went back to zumba.
30 mins later he calls so I figured FINE if he wants to talk I'll answer the phone with music blaring full blast in his ear. He was so confused, asked what we were doing. I was out of breathe and said Zumba! Talk to kids? ( he talked to the kids and said give mommy the phone) I said alright, I'll talk to you later I am going back in to zumba.
He said wait, I want you to know instead of going to his place (my in laws) he was coming staight home after work to sleep since " I have to babysit the kids anyways" ( he has to babysit at 3-4 pm and he gets off work at 8am..)I just said OKAY! Sounds wonderful we will be gone until noon so the house will be quiet but I'm missing zumba so talk tomorrow? Bye!
Today is going to be great! Breakfast with my friend and her kids, a valentines event, test at school, doing my friends hair (same friend from the morning). Her hubby made amazing valentines day dinner plans so I am doing a gorgeous updo on her for her plans! I went to cosmetology school and updos are my favorite. Prom hair, wedding hair, etc . LOVE IT.
Then my mom said after H leaves we should come spend the night and have a fun pizza party with the kids. ( still a maybe depends on her schedule etc but possible plans.)
Trying to have a great weekend to make up for Vday. I bought myself a bottle of my favorite wine which is moscato d asti. Super sweet and bubbly like myself ( when I'm not being depressed over my life.)
I had my D5 teacher text me and tell me she was so happy to see some happy version of myself at the v day party. She said she misses my happy, fun,outgoing self. ( we are really close so she knows about my situation and I know about hers etc.)
I had my friend from the park tell me that also. She was happy to see me smiling and laughing and that It has been so long since I have been myself.
So this is a new goal. Everyone ALWAYS says I AM a funny, smart, beautiful, sassy, bubbly, always goofy and happy person.
Since my separation- situation- whatever I have had people ask me why I'm so sad and quiet( my in laws do a lot and worry that I am uncomfortable with them. I was like no just being here with the H and having his ignore me makes me uncomfortable.) I had a few people ask me if someone had died, if my dog got ran over, if my kids are okay, if my moms cancers back? I'm like no..I'm fine.
Oh yes I still go to all the family event because he drags me along and my inlaws expect me there since we are still married and half the family doesnt know we are even living apart. For xmas we still took our annual family photo smiling and in our matching outfits.
We took a family photo in January for his grandpas birthday. I asked not to be in it but his mom and my H made me. My BIL wasnt in it but they would not take it without me.
Family events are hard.. When do I stop going? We spent xmas eve, xmas, new years, his bday dinner, his grandpas surprise bday, and the morning before and after his cousins bachelorette ( he watched me get dressed and ready that day.) together.
I think vday we will be together a few hours but it will be treated as a normal boring day.
I am so distracted. I start talking about x,y,z,1,2,3 and get lost in my thoughts. I really should get a journal but I saw he read my " things I am thankful for" journal and the day before he asked for the separation my first entry was I'm thankful for my H and I never touched that book again.
I need to stop procrastinating and get dressed so I will check back in later. Xoxo
Wow Rednail, you are certainly doing well on the GAL front! That's an impressive list of activities you've got going on. As for when to stop going to family events I'm not sure. I am starting to wonder this too - not events as such - but if I should stop doing things with H and kids - even just sitting in the house, because I feel it is letting him cake eat. Your H certainly didn't seem to like it when you weren't readily available for him at the end of the phone! I think you're doing brilliantly!
I feel the same! I never know when it is too much time with me or when I should dissappear..or what events to go to. No idea.. Any one know? Lol
Yes my GAL the last too days is exhausting lol. I really am tired and could nap but I'm only half done with today. I will say I havent had any wah thoughts or thinking of my situation besides that dang. I could totally be a single mom and still have fun with my friends and kids. My kids rock! Lol
H sent a text saying can you please come here?? Soooo I went into the room, to see what he needed. HE didnt want ANYTHING!! JUST TO SEE if I will still come when he asks me too. That's what he said. He just wanted to see if I would come. I'm like -_- right now.
I went back into the computer room to study. I'm trying not to be pissy but he got me and I thought..hey he worked overnight, he worked like 4 days in a row 12 hr overnight shifts. I'll be nice and see what he needs.
Nothing.
Wtf. It is my own fault for going to man I'm annoyed with MYSELF now.
Red, first congrats on the fun time you allowed yourself. Gave your kids the fun time and joy they deserve at their age.
You are a brilliant, fun and lovable person. You are not the one with issues, insecurities.
Your H is somewhat jealous to see that you are strong even when dealing with all his mess.
I told you to hold your horses because he will react to your changes, he is seeing you doing it all without him and it may bother him.
He still thinks about the complaining, nagging, low self steem, drag clothing. His time line is not very clear for him. He is not getting why all the sudden you changed so much and is this woman he fell in love in the first place.
He is like: OMG! What do I do? What is going on here?
Maybe I will push her bottoms and see if the old b** is still there. Maybe I will do something just to make sure she is there in case I change my mind about this whole mess.
Now, it's all about him and you being so independent bothers him a lot.
I think he still loves you. He is just very mixed up at the moment. Maybe has or had some EA and tough he would be better off without the boring woman he had beside him. Now you change and he is completely lost.
That's why Detachment makes you attractive.
That's why patience will give him time to digest what is happening right before his eyes.
That's why Detachment will give you the confidence you need, the power to get back to your own self, to determine what is important in your life, even if it is all about your family, your M and the man you chose to love. It helps you to stand strong behind your choices and be OK with it even when someone says you are wasting your time.
Reg the family gatherings. I came to peace with it and accept that my XH's family loves me just because who I am, so I won't cut the R with them and won't stop visiting and even joining them for parties. For me, it will only stop if at some point there is AP beside my XH and they will be at the gatherings. Then I won't join them.
I already made plans with my XH's family forthe summer, when I will visit them when a new baby is coming on board. If XH has any issue with this then it is his problem not mine.
Think that if you stay together you won't have any family hard feelings to deal with.
Red, I love that you are keeping your boundaries (much better than I did), and in the same time treating your husband with compassion and validating him, his feelings.
Look at you, before being mad with his absurd move on you, you tough about him working 4 nights. That is love. Not reacting to a grumpy grandpa looking for his glasses that are on top of his head.
Keep the good work Red. It is hard at some times, but we know that war is a hard issue to deal with.
You are fighting for your l8fe, M, F and the man you love.
My twin sista, and by the way, I love the ocean and you are very close to it.
H sent a text saying can you please come here?? Soooo I went into the room, to see what he needed. HE didnt want ANYTHING!! JUST TO SEE if I will still come when he asks me too. That's what he said. He just wanted to see if I would come. I'm like -_- right now.
I went back into the computer room to study. I'm trying not to be pissy but he got me and I thought..hey he worked overnight, he worked like 4 days in a row 12 hr overnight shifts. I'll be nice and see what he needs.
Nothing.
Wtf. It is my own fault for going to man I'm annoyed with MYSELF now.
Smile and laugh to y.ourself, if a baby cried you would go and comfort. It's only control if you let it. It fails as control if you set a boundary for next time.
So new boundary?
If WH texts this again, what do you do?
Make a decision and enforce the boundary.
WH you cried wolf last time you text so.................
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Smile and laugh to y.ourself, if a baby cried you would go and comfort. It's only control if you let it. It fails as control if you set a boundary for next time.
So new boundary?
If WH texts this again, what do you do?
Make a decision and enforce the boundary.
WH you cried wolf last time you text so.................
My thoughts
V
Yes V I thought the same. I told myself next time he is HOME and needs me he can a- GET UP AND FIND ME or b- yell for me and I'll yell back WHAT(UNLESS the kids are asleep and I MIGHT text back what do you need.)
I really am loveable person lol. I almost get along with everyone.
He really is semi annoyed with my new independance. Before he left today he made a comment about how I'm never home anymore and always running around. I just shrugged and let it go.
Yeah, I think maybe even if it wasn't an EA or PA it was the whole..maybe a crush on someone or..SOMETHING. I FEEL in my gut there HAS to be an attraction to someone or talking to someone. Something. If not then I'll be 100% surprised but I'll probably never know.
Okay so the family events are fine. My inlaws always tell me no matter what I'm the mother of their grandbabies and I'm always going to be their daughter and nothing will change it. They love me. My H always tells me I'm going to be part of his family tol-yesterday he said I could go LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS if I needed to after the D.
Yes, let me go live with my ex-inlaws. That isnt weird at all. Sometimes the stuff out of his mouth makes me question if he really thinks before he talks.
I am trying to keep boundaries. It is hard but I am doing it!
Today stunk. Spent the day with my H. Cried like 4x today not bad cry just a couple tears rollin down my face.
He made a joke about ooooh are you sad because you don't have a valentine. That was just mean. He was mean. He asked me to go to my inlaws and I did and I was super quiet and it was because I love them but idk what to say and he gave me a hard time about being quiet and awkward.
He eventually felt bad and said happy valentines day when I left but it was too late by then. I feel like I should have left at 1-2 pm but I was with him from 10am-7:30pm. I just didnt want yo be alone.
I did awful at 180,gal, everything. Today just stunk.
