B's Bootcamp v3

[Bfice3]

Hey RosaLinda, thank you. Its always great to hear from you.

So, I have a bit of an update. I had an opportunity this afternoon to do some snooping. I know that I probably shouldn't have, but I just couldn't resist the possibility of learning the truth about who and what my wife is. So, she left her old cell phone in a bag and I found it and tried to log in...but of course the stupid PIN code lock she put on it kept me out. But...I also found her black book with addresses and stuff. So, I started flipping through there.

I found a page in the back with a list of pros and cons.

Without embarrassing myself, I will simply say that there are two dates written that are less than a month from our separation where she says 'Fell Apart' and then two days later, on her birthday 'He Left Me'. On the pros side there is acknowledgement of things that would only be discussed if a person was discussing genitalia. And the statement 'He Says He Loves Me'. As well as 'Would Make a Good Husband'.

None of that is proof of anything in particular, but there are conversations that I overheard back when I was living in the house that I know these discussions were happening. At the time I even asked her about it, and she lied and said she was talking to her sister.

So...

So, basically she got a new job and fell in love with her coworker and started having sex with him. She took me on a date with this guy and his wife too! Told me we would become friends. Then she throws me out of the house and I'm guessing starts making her move to make her affair a real relationship. When, apparently he decided he would rather stay married. So, it ended. I do think its over. But, I don't think my WW is any closer to wanting me.

So...

Here's the thing. I'm calm right now, but I'm sitting on a thunder keg. I need someone to explain to me in simple terms why it is best to not let her know that I know about this. And, I guess...if anyone can offer a valid reason on how and when a marriage rebuilt after infidelity could possibly ever have trust and love again?

I mean...I now know a lot more about the extent to which she has been lying to me, and frankly it is astounding how accomplished she is at being to lie. (Although, perhaps I'm just a big dummy and unable to see the truth.)

I gotta tell you this hurts. But maybe...maybe now I have the information I need to finally feel okay in letting this woman go. I just simply am blown away at her actions.

God...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.