Deciding Whether to Separate

[brutus3]

So I've been having a good few days. I've kept communication with my wife sparse, short texts only about our daughter and finances.

Starting to get a life again. Yesterday kept myself busy with showing property, studying for my new career, and even went out and did some volunteer work at a local church (packing donations for Syrian refugees in Greece). It felt really good to give something back and I'll have to do more of it. Afterwards I went out to grab a burger by myself in a local pub. It's a small town and I felt a lot of strange looks but I felt comfortable doing so. Went home, drew and played guitar. Was feeling really awesome.

Today my wife and I had a couples counseling session (to get through the separation). Wife insisted we have it at her office which I thought was stupid and told her so. It started off bad, my wife was very upset from the beginning. My wife said that she was still angry about me texting her "friend" last week. As it turns out, she said she lost her "friend" because of it. It sounds like it freaked him out and he broke it off. She also said she was worried about money and was going to miss our daughter when I take her to see my family for 10 days. She was a mess, started crying, said she was worried that I was going to make future dating for her difficult, and said I needed to nut up on getting the separation wrapped up (WTF!) I told her this is her rodeo and she needs to do those things. She also said that she was tired of being the bad guy. I told her that being the spouse that being left behind is devastating and destroys their self-esteem. I asked to put herself in my shoes. It didn't help. So we started fighting again and slinging poop for another 30 minutes or so. I felt horrible afterwards but I'm not sure why. I just walked out after it was over without saying goodbye to her. I'm sure our colleague heard the whole thing from her desk. Smooth one, wife.

She is now alone and that is what's making her miserable. I think she had this picture of the separation as us being buddies through the whole thing and getting each other through it. She's so naïve. I knew this would be an unpleasant experience for her eventually, just not this soon. Everyone keeps telling me she looks like older and tired all of the time. I want to feel bad for her. I still care about her but a big part of me says, you reap what you sow.