Sweetie, there is absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed about here at all. We all are on a journey of growth, learning and evolving.
You might want to seek out an expert in NPD for a consultation or session in your area. I am not sure if your IC has the expertise in NPD or not. I just worry that you're taking all of this on thinking that it's your problem or it's your fault for not meeting H's so-called needs when it isn't actually the case at all. That has to take a toll on you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Those with NPD see their spouses and children as appendages to prop them up. As Anna said, they behave like a parasite living off from those near them to feed into their narcissistic supply. I am not saying this to scare you off, but to EDUCATE you since we are looking at your situation from the outside.
In all of my years on DB site, I've seen one LBS with a NPD H and she divorced him. That poster's screen name was MicheleTW. She's Betsey's (aka Underdog) good friend IRL. Now if my assessment is correct, then you're probably the second LBS whose spouse has true NPD.
I would encourage you to seek out a NPD expert to get his/her insights into your H by yourself.
