Today is a day that I don't know what I would do without this board. Thank you Thornton & Red, I've been thinking about you girl!
You know, it dawned on me that H and I really do need to build a friendship. I've felt more kindness from virtual friends than I have my own H. That's a tough pill to swallow. Really tough.
H appologized for getting frustrated with me - he really just wants things to be pleasant, and friendly and me having an emotional day and pushing him away made him feel like that wouldn't happen. Funny, one moment and he's hot/cold.
I still have a small glimmer of hope, but more than that despite how selfish I feel like he is being, I see the good in this man. I see his need to find himself, and his desire for me to find myself. We got together young in the military...deployed a few times, had D4...special needs child...high stress new job for H. I see it now, from his POV and I honestly respect his feelings. I don't think I truly, honestly, deep down have before. I know I said it to ease the conflict in my heart, and maybe convince myself that this couldn't be my life and it couldn't be happening to us. I have the gift of time, from this day forward since he can't file until it's been 6 months after we move.
My work in the 6 months will be on our friendship and on myself. I told him I want him to work on his relationship with D4 because he has distanced himself. He agreed whole heartedly.
Hard, emotionally trying day.
Our moving situation is up in the air as he wants a small place so we can better utilize our single income. My next challenge will be working with him on our finances, and really sticking to a budget that we agree on for myself and D4. We talked briefly about cars/alimony/child support. I think he felt relieved that my reasonings were logical and not driven by money.
