REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#3

[- MB -]

Oh goodness, MB... The things your H has done to you are abuse, plain and simple. Even if he never laid a hand on you. I DO hope you are getting counseling for your own well-being. I really wonder if H is even capable of being in a healthy relationship right now, based on the things you've written. And as you already know, no matter how much we love someone, we can't fix or save them. They have to do it for themselves. But before that happens, they first have to realize their actions are wrong/hurtful and take responsibility for them. It does not sound like H has reached that place yet.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this.

Hi Anna. Thanks for writing. Zues wanted to know more, he didn't know that I'm the person who can write almost as much as he can. He will probably be more careful of what he asks for next time. I've completely exposed myself and it's more than just a little embarrasing. The only blessing is that I don't know anyone from this list in person. Hopefully it will give someone the information needed so they can help me or someone else.

You are absolutely correct about my H. He does not take any responsibility for anything. He dumps all the blame in my lap and I let him do it. I am codependent at it's finest! H really seems to believe that he has somehow earned the right to treat people any way he wants. Possibly because of the abuse he suffered when he was younger? It's like he thinks because he's paid his dues, he has earned the right to pass it along to others. The incident when he woke us up, he still defends that action. He honestly seems to think that's normal behavior. And, everything that he does is because I somehow made him. Always my fault.

Yes, I am in counseling. I am no longer talking about my marriage when I'm there, I'm just working on me. I know that I seem to be broken inside. I know that this is not normal. I know that I need to improve my self esteem and learn to set boundaries. I just don't know how yet. I'm currently a work in progress. My fear is that I will fix myself and then when H comes back I won't want him. But then again, if I'm fixed, it won't be a fear any longer. For now it is though. My main goal at this time is to get my marriage back on track. Not the sick marriage that I have had, but the one where I used to tell my H that he is the sweetest man I know, and at the time it was true. That's what I want back. My second goal is to fix myself so that I am strong enough and okay to move on without him if I need to. I'm nowhere near there yet.