From here it looks pretty clear you may have changed but not that you can move on if you wanted to.
The fact you are still focused on her, what she says and does to OM and her R with him. If you are really over her and ready to move on you would not care.
I still see you doing things to get a reaction for her to return to you.
Discussing with her the R with her OM is a big NO NO. She does not get to tell you what she has done nor why with regards to her R with OM or his W.
You should only be interested in what she has to say about wanting to get back with you. When she does, it should be with sorrow and remorse. She has to understand what she did, why she did it and what she wants to now do. If it is to get back with you it has to be for the right reasons. You have to decide if you want to build a new R for the right reasons as well.
I told my W i wanted her out and she came back saying sorry, bla bla. I did not ask her how or what she did. I did not care. It was her mess and she needed to get herself out of it by herself.
Everytime a WS wants to get out of the mess I suggest they do it by themselves without our help so that they convince themselves each and every step. They have to hurt each and every step so that once they come through it was through their own convincing themselves it was what they wanted. If they find the struggle too hard and give up, it gives you an idea of how they valued you and the R.
I have found that the hardest things to achieve in life are the most treasured.
She has to come through and then continue fighting to make it work.
Even if the OM is jerk. What is to stop her from recoiling now, still having a WW mindset and tomorrow find a more decent guy to start an A with.
That is why you have to do the DB for yourself and not to get a reaction. You have to be unavailable to her until she makes lets call it the green mile and ends her waywardness.
In short, let her detox this problem, come to her own conclusions by herself. There is no guarantee that if he rang her tomorrow she would not go running. What then? All your actions did was get wife p1ssed.
Another point you have to realize is that your W is currently more focused on revenge, spite and hatred on OM and what happened between them. That means she has feelings and is hurt. You want her to stop thinking about OM and start changing the shift to you and your R. The longer she is venting just shows how much more important that R is than you.
Your W is in turmoil, about now she needs a steady and safe emotional haven. You may have heard the term being a lighthouse. Here is where you need to be C.C.C. and offer her that. The light that will draw her in. The light that offers her peace and a way out. You have to be the strong one and not worry about whatever sh1t she is going through, she has to make it on her own to you and want to.
The I told you so guy does not attract a WW. She got herself into his bed, now she must get herself out. You should be the man back at home living his life with the door left open should she want to come back.
However, she must leave the sh1t on the door step.
