WAW online EA and maybe MLC

[sandi2]

Hearing about your W and her role-playing game, really concerns me. B/c the affairs we read about here on the board are based on so much fantasy, and with your W being so heavily submerged in this game, it makes her very vulnerable to other bad things. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that these chat rooms, or whatever type of method is used to meet people over the Internet is an opportunity for many people to expand their fantasies even more. The sad part is that so many SAHM's can start playing these games out of boredom or whatever, and first thing you know, they are in an EA or Internet affair. I fell into the same thing. Although, I was not a young SAHM, it all started with playing games and chatting (long, long story). Anyway, you have a very legit reason to be concerned about your M and your family.

She even has dinner cooked when I get home (something she rarely did before) but she rushes right out the door as soon as I get there.

You mean she leaves the house, or goes to play the game?

I only want her to care about our marriage and show me she values it and wants to fix.

It is normal for you to want those things from her, however, her moral compass is out of order at the moment. I don't think she is going to drop what she's doing to turn back to the life she led before this role-playing started. She is highly addicted now, and it will be just like dealing with a drug addict. You no longer can trust her. You no longer can believe what she tells you.

She says she can't wait for me to get better and that I don't get her.

What does she mean by you getting better?

She is not sorry and said she will never apologize.

A true sign of waywardness. She's probably going to have to hit rock bottom, hard, before she decides to change. When they have this attitude, they don't care that it's wrong....they like it and that's all that matters to them.

Since she is not living with you, I would encourage you to first separate and protect your banking accounts. Then cancel the Internet and her phone. Will you have a way to still come and post? As long as you finance the ways she's conducting her affair, she'll continue to do it. It may not stop her, but you don't have to pay for it.

The next thing is to start living as though you are separated. I say "yes" to the LRT. Everyone may not agree with me, but I don't agree with some others about what is "going dark". The LRT doesn't mean you can't handle matters about the kids. If you are ever going to do it, I'd think it would be now. The longer you enable her...the longer she will stay in this terrible fantasy of hers, and probably make some dangerous decisions about meeting other men in person. I hope not, but just as it takes more & more of the drug to have the effect she craves, so will this online activity.

Do not do things together as a family, while she is continuing to engage in the online activity/affair with OM. That is cake eating. You enable her by giving her the best of both worlds.

My new therapist said I should put the ball in her court and ask her if it was ok to get her something or if she wanted to have dinner.

No, you are not dating her. You aren't even reconciling. Apparently, your therapist has no clue about waywards. She has to stop doing what she's doing before you are available to take her anywhere as a family or just the two of you.

So, I think that I am slowly entering the anger stage. I have found another site similar to this and it has poisoned me. The posts and recommendations are in stark contrast to this site and has my brain running in circles. I have prayed on it and this method of DR'ing is the more godly approach with patience, sympathy, understanding and hope. The other site is prideful, recommends vengeance, and extremely harsh ways of confrontation and ultimatums.

I've seen a couple of sites like that too. I think there's a time for a tougher side of love, but all I saw was people filled with bitterness and almost hatred. I didn't linger. Anyway, glad you found your way here.

I heard her bring up to someone that I was "going out" on weekends but adamantly followed up with she didn't care at all. I feel like my GAL'ing might be working and that she was just trying to convince herself or brush it off by saying she didn't care. If she didn't care why would she bring it up?

I'm sure she does.

I am sad at the thought of our kids growing up in a broken home and the other realities that come from divorce, but I am honestly am starting to not care if she does serve me. I know that I have no control over her choices. I don't feel the same way when I look @ her anymore, I see physical faults (wrinkles, chubbiness, etc) and not the "rose colored glasses" that I had previously. It is also hard for me to remember the good times we shared. I feel like there just weren't that many. It has always been about her and what she wants with little compromise. I see her as a selfish, immature person. IS THIS NORMAL? Am I coming out of denial and into the anger stage? I want to keep fighting but wonder if these recent events just highlight the type of person she really is and her selfishness.

It seems to be pretty common for the LBS to go through these stages. I would be concerned if a man didn't get angry. However, your feelings will go up & down, over & around again.

As for recommending books, there is a free download of No More Mr. Nice Guy, and I think you definitely need to read it. It's pretty short. You may also want to read Hold on to your N.U.T.S.