the road goes ever on and on...

[Zues126]

Painter, my only concern with emotional abuse is that it seems to be a 'catch-all' phrase used by all WAS's for why they are leaving. I am confident that XW thought I was emotionally abusive. Because it's so subjective WAS's everywhere that are fed up have no problem playing the emotional abuse card and pack their bags. Their friends and family pile right on.

Do I ever think there are times when someone's self preservation demands separation without adultery/physical abuse? I'm sure there are examples. I don't want to be involved in drawing boundaries between emotional abuse and the inevitable 'for worse' of any marriage. I do think that the irony is those truly being abused tend to cling too long, and those that aren't tend to blow the whistle wrongly and leave, at least too darn much at a time.

But as always, Zuessy has an opinion on this. I think that in the case of 'emotional abuse', true emotional abuse, it's ok for a partner to separate...but not divorce. Get their own place, get their own life, find their happiness...but do it without other partners. Stand by the marriage. Who knows, maybe that's the catalyst for change for their partner. Maybe 5-10 years goes by and their partner grows up a bit. And if their partner files D or starts other relationships, great, go ahead and sign the D and know you stood for your M. But in my opinion the moment we use emotional abuse to justify terminating the marriage so we can try to find our happiness in the arms of another lover, well, to me that's not appropriate. I know everyone feels entitled to the partner/marriage they feel they deserve, but to me that's just the same selfish thinking that drives the divorce rate to 110% these days.

I believe this would sound extreme to many, but just stop for a moment and think of how many marriages would be saved if people did this. Most people wouldn't leave if their choices were 'work it out' vs. 'extended separation'. And another good number of those marriages would be saved as the separation might actually be a strong catalyst for change as is proven by the number of people like me on this board that really tried to step up their games.

Unfortunately too many WAS's just play the emotional abuse card, then give up on the M, have an OP, and sign the D and never look back.