Julie the reconcilation process is like figuring out the meaning of life.
You may actually miss the point of it because you were focussed on the destination and not the journey.
Reconcilation is process of coming together. Like life it requires an open attitude and heart and curious and enquiring mind, an ability to be in the now and to take the good and leave the bad. Be prepared to be surprised the other person may not have the same thoughts, feelings and beliefs they once had. A beginners mind is required.
yes. For me the challenge will be taking the good and disregarding the bad. I expect that level of intimacy and good feelings and for husband to have that love and respect he once did for me and i have to remember we are strangers now. That doesn't exist anymore. Everything has to be rebuilt (if that's even the option anymore). at least first time around we had physical attraction to help. I guess this time around we are doing it for kids and sadly in his case finances. Is that what you mean?
FO has given you some great advice. Collaboration with no agenda on a certain outcome.
I guarantee you Julie if you push for answers from H he will give them to you and likely they will catch in your throat.
yes. I know I am pushy. To me this is way to long to go on like this though. I'm gonna try to let him do most of the talking.
If explore conversations and curiosities you might well be surprised. I feel that your H is more open than you think.
i was looking forward to conversing with husband and laughing. Especially about my trip which had a lot of funny parts and was out of ordinary. Now I am guarded and a bit afraid. When I saw him a month ago I made a comment on a new coat I was wearing. It was one of those down below the knees super warm parkas that I found for under 100 bucks. I thought it was a great deal because I am always cold. A few days ago when he was yelling, he complained about me with new coats and him paying child support. How can we work on friendship with this type of tension? Can you imagine how angry he would be about money spent on a trip? Especially since I was mad at him for spending money on a trip when he wasn't paying me child support?
Sometimes I feel like I am being forced to look into a mirror at my own horrible actions and responses to him. Truth is, I would have complained about him spending money on trip even prior to him BD. So it probably prevented him from sharing fun times and opening up to me. I was controlling
PS; Read back over your posts and watch how H responds to your emotional tone and energy. You might find a pattern. And more "I feel - It feels good when, it doesn't feel good when, I would like to feel, I don't want to feel " from you. He seems to like it when you are bit more in your heart than your head. Just an observation. I could be wrong!! Other Fo's statements are awesome and impressive!
yes. When I act jealous no good (business trip on Valentine's day) . When I confessed how much I didn't like giving up kids every other weekend it led to nice validating conversation.
Jellyxxx
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
