When the goal is positivity

[Painter]

I think you could take some things off the table until you see a counselor. Especially if it is a high-conflict issue, you could say, 'Hey, this is something we have discussed and argued about before, how about we put this in front of the counselor and get help to work through it - both to actually solve it and as an exercise in learning how to communicate better?'

It looks like financials are a hot button issue for both of you. How about meeting with a financial planner/adviser? (I would recommend a CPA or similar, someone who doesn't want to sell you a product.) That way you would ensure that there's no yelling or emotion involved, but rational thought. Also, you would both be looking at unbiased numbers.

I think it is validating if you say to your H, 'I really want to resolve these issues because I understand how important they are to you, and they are to me, too, but I think we need help to figure it out and find a compromise.' However, it also puts the ball back in his court a little when it comes to what he thinks is important.

My IC (formerly our MC until H wouldn't go anymore) just talked about men's and women's communication styles - it's definitely not odd that we need help.