I would not make demands. Maybe ask "what would a reconciled marriage look like" to each of you? And work slowly towards reaching those goals. See how that is a more positive statement than "what are our demands?"
Date night. I would not make this a "demand". If H is open to this conversation, I would say "I would like to spend quality time together on a regular basis. What kinds of activities do you think would be enjoyable for us to do without the kids?" And brainstorm together. So its more of a mutual collaboration rather than "I need a date night once a week." Together you might come up with a weekly date night, but it won't be a "demand."
I am really curious to see how this works for you. I think if you can keep things positive and collaborative, this could be a positive thing. Another thing I would suggest is that if you do have this conversation with H, that you don't tackle ALL of your expectations and issues at once. Maybe take it one step at a time.
