the road goes ever on and on...

[Zues126]

Odd day. I've skimmed through and seen a number of posts from different people talking about how they're ready to be done, ready to file, ready to end the 'limbo'.

Everyone's on their own journey so I won't post there. I'll post here. My purpose here is to truth dart anyone on the verge of making negative life changing decisions.

I get that some of this is blowing off steam, just voicing the feelings. Venting. Totally fine. That's one of the reasons we're here.

As for actually ending a marriage, I just want to point one thing out. My XW must have felt that she fought for our marriage and stood by it for a long time. She must have in the end been sick of the struggle and the conflict and the limbo. She made the decision that we weren't right for each other and the abatement of conflict would be worth any price.

What's funny is all these positive comments about who I am on this forum. I am the same man that my XW felt wasn't marriage material. She may never look back and realize who I am or what she's lost. But I know. And I cannot be replaced. Because of who I am. Because I was her husband. Because I was the father of her children. Because we were supposed to be together. You can eliminate some conflict, you can take the path of least resistance, but you cannot replace your spouse. And paying for an end to some conflict with divorce is like ending a headache by shooting yourself.

Then I hear this talk and I wonder...how many here are actually WASs? How many people will end their marriage and spend the rest of their life convinced they had no choice, it was their partner, they tried everything, their spouse just wasn't good enough, they didn't even have a marriage?

Well, if you are married you do have a marriage. And your spouse is capable of change, or you are capable of changing and appreciating the marriage you have. This is the 'for worse'. You can either compare your marriage at its worst to the fantasy relationship you feel entitled to, or you can do your part in the marriage. Part of that may be detaching, moving forward, and setting boundaries. But no part of that is ending a marriage. If there is OP you make the call, if there's physical abuse, please protect yourself. If not, you don't get to quit. Well, you do, you can do whatever you'd like. Let's just be clear that you'd be choosing to get divorced because you feel you deserve more than your partner is giving you at this moment in time.

Some will debate this and explain why their sitch is different, that's fine, it's an open forum and a free country. But if you're looking for agreement you'd be better off tracking down my XW.