Why can't I get a grip on this? I keep spiraling around, going back and forth...and I'm mad at him for the same kind of thing. Mixed signals. Mixed heart. Damn it, I need to be hot or cold.
Painful...the whole process is not linear.
I also understand your comment about doing what is morally right (holy) versus what "feels right." A lot of folks confuse the two (although we can always hope they're the same).
It's why I didn't file for a divorce, but did file for a sep...as a mother I had an obligation to our children to keep a roof over their head and h was not in his right mind at the time. Even now, I think there was at least a 50% chance he'd have mortgaged our home for his heroes on the tundra, and considered it a "great investment".
Some asked why I didn't just end the m then & there, but as I told them then, "I want to see myself in the mirror at 80 (or 120??) and know I did the morally right thing to do was, and NOT what was necessarily 'feeling good' for ME."
Because for many of us, feeling that we made the moral selfless choices IS part of what makes us content inside anyhow.
I mean, how great can you feel about your life or yourself, after you know you dumped your ex for someone else AND OR you exploited loved ones, or hurting them, even if it "felt right" at the time??
The tension is between this^^ and knowing that life is short, and feeling held back from spiritual growth b/c someone else in your life is dragging you thru THEIR bog of eternal strife...also sux.
Stay strong and be well.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
