Thank you Thornton, I appreciate you opinion, trust me. We're all going through the same thing. I just don't know. He is totally not phased by anything I do or do not do. I notice that when i pull back, he comes to "find me" and thats when we start talking again. So this is one of those times. He initiated convo about 2 weeks ago asking how I was and saying he was sorry he didnt return my call (about something important) and how he was not in a good place emotionally and figured that I probably wasn't either. This was the 1st time he's been somewhat emotional with me since he announced the D word. I was surprised, affirmed his emotions, didnt say anything about my emotions, and left it at that. Then i slowly re-engaged with him. DB coach had a suggestion, I did what she suggested and he responded with a "yes." Then I had my slip up but then he said he would still help. Well now, he's seems too busy, he must be nervous so back to the pull back.
This is agonizing but I absolutely love the "be someone only a fool would leave." mantra. That is so empowering. It makes me want to go for a run right now lol. I think I just hate all the time that's passing by and we're not communicating or making progress toward R, or are we? I know he's big on not giving me false hope so this must be his way of steering clear. Went to the therapist this morning too. Sometimes I literally step back from this and laugh b/c its hysterical to me. To seriously think that my hubby would be this person now?! I find myself hysterically laughing and crying at the EXACT same time. It's the scariest, craziest ride I've ever been on. This is all just so unnecessary.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
