Thats why I say I have problems staying the course sometimes. I'll be going along my 180 way and then have a slip up which is the worst. I tell him he left me in a lurch, I tell him I'm having a hard time finding a place to live b/c of financials and if he can help, I told him I still love him, called him "babe". I haven't said "I want you to come back" or anything liek that since he sprung the D word on me. But I have told him that I pray for him and us and that I don't believe D is the solution to our problems, but I respect and understand his resolve. I did pretty well in my interaction with him last night. He cancelled on me after telling me he'd help me out with something at the apt and I said, I understand and then asked him about what he's working on. He told me and where usually I would take the opportunity to engage him in a longer convo, I simply said, "That sounds amazing, hope it goes well. Good night," and left it at that.
I've been reading books on healing and recovering from an A by yourself. It's helpful. I try to get both perspectives to see what is going on in the mind of my H since he wont tell me but all WASs seem to follow the same exact script. The fact that H told me about the A to get me to leave him - I mean what can I really do but heal from it?
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
