I think it is very important that a woman not act as a victim when she has a WAH. It's not very attractive or appealing.

I hope you will continue to have dignity, grace, and poise.

As much as you want to reconcile with your H, I hope you will not tell him, b/c he knows that you do and b/c it puts a tremendous amount of pressure on him. It actually pushes him further away, instead of drawing him closer.

How are you dealing with this OW and the knowledge that he had an A?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!