Thanks Sotto, I will think carefully before any reply. Who knows, maybe there won't be one!I've had a few days of doubt but I've come to a moment of clarity which I'm going to try to follow as it makes me feel more at ease. I'm only responsible for me. I will feel emotions of jealously, anger, grief, sadness etc. They are fleeting moments which can only hurt me if I choose to let them. If I choose to think about her, to rethink the past, speculate on the present and imagine the future, it will only hurt and distress me. It is time to let go, forgive the past and live in the now. Time to love myself, to do things which I enjoy and find interest in the mundane moments of each day. Time to apply mindfulness in all areas of my life. Time to recognise moments of anxiety, stress etc for what they are and then move on. I cannot be defined by these problems and emotions. I can embrace work, solitude, friendship and family in a way which finds peace and happiness in unexpected ways. To be strong enough to say no when needed but to be open and loving to all. To enjoy each moment of the day for what it is. What will be will be. If she wants a different relationship in the future, we'll see what I want and feel then. If she never returns, then I hope I'll be enjoying my life in other ways. She can not have any more influence over my mind anymore. Contact can be kind, friendly and loving but then back to my life and my happiness. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but it helps me!
