I went and hacked his phone records, I had to know. I had to know. I had to. I only looked for Febuary and her number was not in any calls or texts from Febuary. I did not look for january since they both have birthdays in january and even I texted her a happy birthday.
I checked my house phone as well for the last 10 dialed numbers. I checked the sheets in my house for hair( mine is thin dark brown and hers is platinum blonde.)
no hair, no perfume, I went through my H dirty clothes( he is lazy and leaves his clothes here 90% of the time and they get washed with mine but if he is here he still helps with my laundry too so I figure it is okay since he does mine too.)
I made sure the dirty sheets in the laundry room were the same ones that were on my bed the day I left and not another extra pair.
I went threw my bedroom trash can, bathroom trash, kitchen trash, (trash can outside is empty.)
I looked in the shower, on the couch, under the couches..my step sister watched my kids while I "deep cleaned" my house.
I took out the one photo he said that fell and I he is not lying about that. My dresser is 3" closer to the door because the nail for my picture is way to close to my dresser to hang my photo now unless I move my dresser over. So I believe that one fell. I still am upset about all the other photos though. Even if he thought it was a joke, it was not funny and just mean.
I feel like maybe we should just tell the kids. He just wants to tell them he is working a lot and that we are still married and act all happy. I think she knows and isnt dumb.
She was having a D because her husband left her. He said she was annoying, a nag, he had a bad porn addiction and couldn't get off to her, he asked her for an open marriage. It was crazy since I know the guy too.
She looked the same the whole time but she is already gorgeous looking. Beautiful, blonde, british accent, nice. And No the only time my H saw her was when all 3 was home. Im a stay at home mom so they only talked when I was there with them. He didn't even have her cell number only on facebook( that could change.) If I was in the kitchen, she was in the kitchen. If I was in the livingroom she was with me. Always with me never alone with him.
She stopped coming around about a month or two before we separated because I was having issues. I felt like she was around too much and I had no alone time with my H so I asked her to come around less. My H thought yhat was mean because she has no family here in the US. He is only off 2-3 weekend days a month and I wanted more alone time with my H.
I feel like I need to fight harder and harder either way. That seed in my head of MAYBE has really messed with me.
I do need to find a way to deal with the pain. I called my doctor today and he suggested saint john wort for depression since it is natural and will not mess with my medication he gave me. So I have a huge bottle now to try to help maybe mellow me.
I feel like I need pity party days. That sounds like it might help me. I feel ashamed when I cry and get sad over this. I feel like I need to be stronger.
I really hope that this was a crazy weird bad day of coincidences. I will not be blind now though. I WILL be looking for signs.
If you guys thought I had boundary problems before, just the thought of him wanting to touch me if he does have someone else just makes me slightly repulsed. I need space. I need to have him not touch me at all.
I have a new set of boundaries that I really need if I am going to make it out of this and not break.
I am looking into IC as well. I had one tell me she will call me back later today and let me know.
I am slightly ashamed that I did so much pyscho stalking in my own house but I needed to know. My results..not sure. Looks like nothing happened but at the same time, I truly will never know.
I do want to set up cameras now as a precaution. I'm looking into it and costs.
Thank you cira-pink for always being here for me and helping me. You are one of the reasons why i have not giving up on myself and been a huge ball of crying 24-7.
