Painter - I took the time last night to leave you a long, thought out response...and it is not here! LOL That happens sometimes.
You really are my hero. You've been working at this for such a long time. I completely respect you for that. M is a big deal, and should be treated as such. If, after all the work you've put in, it still doesn't work out - I can guarantee it's not because of something you did or didn't do.
To me, your H shows all the signs of MLC confusion. "Yes" one minute, and "no" the next -knowing the right thing to do, and not really wanting to do it - I love you, I don't love you enough. It all sounds so familiar to me. It's heartbreaking, isn't it?
I want you to know, I'm completely behind you, whatever you decide to do. You matter. You've been so busy trying to salvage what may not be salvageable at the moment - I'm sure it does feel freeing to imagine NOT working on it for a while. What a burden lifted from you!
This DBing is hard work. It gets exhausting when only one half of a couple is doing the heavy lifting. I don't feel like you're giving up - I just sense that you need a break, and H needs time to really think about just what it is he wants. He needs to realize just how wonderful you are. I can see it, easily. He needs to get there, too.
Whatever you need, whatever support and prayers you require - I'll be happy to provide. You deserve really good things, Painter. I'll do my part to help you get them.
