I am sorry it is all happening. It's hard but not impossible. It hurts but do not kill. So look at this like a cancer that needs chemo. Slowly, a day at a time, and you still have a chance to rescue the life you want, or continue on a journey you will build for yourself.
I know it's very vague, and it does not make you feel better right now, but that is the truth. YOU CAN CONTROL ONLY YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN LIFE.
1st - I would be careful and protect D5 from any trauma. She does not need any more drama in her life then it is already being imposed on her by what is happening. Too many kids are affected by S or D of their parents and it is a wound that will show their damage sometime down the road. Talk to her, calm her down without saying too much. I am a believer that truth is the best way. In my opinion I would let her know that mom and dad have some different opinions right now and we are giving sometime so all the booboos get healed. Like if D5 has a fight with D3 or a friend.
2nd - This is all fishy. I do not think that you will get anything from your H, even if it's real. He will probably deny it to his coffin right now. And I think it would be a waste of time to confront her. If she has anything with him, then she will deny to you and will tell him, and at this point in time, he will be disgusted about the whole thing. If she says yes, then you will be in pieces, humiliated and will bring more pain to yourself. Whatever it is, whatever is happening, it is not because you will find out that will just end. But I understand. If you read my thread you will see that I did everything in my power to find the affair.
And I found. It was not fun. But then I was in the clear, I knew what was happening. For some people that is what works, for some others, this is more troubling.
I think that cameras are not against the law, people have cameras when they have young kids. I guess you won't be able to use that in court.
Do you have access to his email, FB, her FB, phone. It could be a way to find out if they are in contact or not.
Is it possible? Yes. Is it true? you have no idea. So, be alert but don't agonize over something you don't know for sure.
Think back about what happen while this lady was at your house, she was a mess because of her D. Why did she D in the first place? Did she got better and start looking better? Did she spend time with your H that seems unusual? Did they laugh together and had their own talk? Maybe you will find some memory about things that at the time did not seem too important.
Did the difficulties with your H started around the same time this lady left your H?
Now, if he had or has an A, it is very painful and will break you for awhile. The good news is that you won't die, by the way, you will get a lot better.
It also does not mean you won't fight for your M, your Love and your family. I am D and things are still happening in my sitch. There is nothing written in stone and sure there is nothing that will stop you from fitting.
It means you need to fight hard, and harder. It means learning some serious boundaries, what is really important to you. What you can live with or without. I means your priorities and not his anymore. It means to be strong every time you need to be around him, talk to him, resolve with him.
But it does not mean... "I won't cry anymore over this" - for me this is a bunch of bull. You will cry a lot more, you will hurt a lot more. It is something that is happening for real and it is not a walk in the park.
So find ways to cope with your pain. Everyone is different. If you need meds, then go to a doctor and get your prescription. There are mild anti depressants that will help to break the edge and you will be able to function better.
If it is the IC. Talk to the bastard and explain that it is all taking a toll on you and you are finding difficult to cope with all the changes. He cares, so he will agree that you may need help.
I could not cry all the time, so some days I set up a time to have my "Pity Party". I cried, I try to remember my good times, bad times, make sense of the feelings inside of me. I gave myself room to be weak, weary, confused. You know when the movies show someone with a big pot of ice cream and a lot of tissue boxes. Well, I did that without the ice cream so I would no gain weight. But I did the tissue boxes.
You need to work on the pain and use it to give you strength, you can't ignore it or it will haunt you forever. Let it hurt in your bones, your blood, and your heart and then let it go and face the next day. Strong, confident, knowing who you are. Knowing you allow yourself to be weak because you are strong to do it.
It may be war time for you, you have us as your brothers and sisters in this dark time. Put your gear on, get your weapons cleaned up and stand up tall to fight yet another day.
You can do this and we all know. I believe in you. Others believe in you.
If you want to share your thoughts, write here, there will always be someone to give you a lift.
