NYGal: Still Trying to GAL

[Azzork]

Since I unblocked her i'm driving myself crazy wondering what I missed. That wasn't a good idea.
Maybe she's NCing me! But I suspect not. Oh well. I'll never know I guess. And that's ok too,

That was why I said that the blocking was about her, not about you. You wanted to "send a message to her", but since you could tell she wasnt going to see it, then you reversed it. And your wondering about all of the stuff you may have missed just reinforces this.

Id advise that whenever you are going to act, to really think about your goals and what you hope to accomplish through that action.

All you have to do is communicate what the path back to you looks like. If she's still with OW then there is no path. When my WW decided I was the one she wanted then at first I said, hell no, go away and let me be, but re-thought it, and then a friend told me I had to show her the path back. The path back might look different for all of us. It's every little step, in order, of what they have to do if they want back in your life. Think about it and write it out. Don't leave anything off. If you don't show them a path back then they'll give up and truly be gone for good. In that path back to you, don't be a doormat.

The very first step on that path. No more AP's. If our cheaters can't get past that one then there's no point in the rest of the path. NYGal, what does the path back to you look like? Does that path exist yet? It's ok if it doesn't. Still, if you ever R with her in the future then there has to be a path toward that.

I think this is all well and fine IF W is interested in resuming a relationship with you. All of this self-pity garbage is meaningless. If she wants to be with you, it's on her to make that clear. Through actions.

TX, I've noticed that whenever she thinks I'm pulling away, she reels me back in with talk of how much she misses me and regrets what she has done. Her latest has been how utterly miserable she is on the path she's on. So when I tell her it's not too late for us, and show her the path, the first stumbling block is the AP. She's not ready to let her go. So I back off a bit, then she says she's giving serious thought to reconciling with me and how much she misses our life. When I say I do too (clearing the path and showing her I'm still there) then she says she's a mess. And she won't let the ow go. So I guess I don't know how to show her the path without her throwing ow right there onto the path and cluttering it all up.

Because of this. She wants to keep ALL the paths open. Telling her to close off a different isnt going to go well. Youve said it, now let her go. No need to keep repeating things.

For me I finally took the big gamble.

I hate thinking of the decision to divorce as a 'gamble'. In my m ind, theres no reason to file until you are content with either outcome.

I would not do ANYTHING with the intention of sending a message to W. Do what you need to do for you to be healthy.