Need help. Threading water, must learn to swim.

[G8r]

Having ok day. WW asked to go out to dinner for 2nd time in 3 days tonight. Turned her down both times. I was already cooking dinner on Monday and was going to church tonight. WW also invited me to the circus with D3 and her. I accepted that invitation. I don't think WW is interested in R but I do think she is feeling like she is losing me. Anyone have any thoughts?

Tonight she texted me, "Sorry you so fully hate me as you do these days, G8r (but used real name). Don't know it was ever avoidable. Maybe I shouldn't have asked about the circus. I won't ask you to join us in the future if you prefer."

I am so dying to respond to this on so many levels but no good will come of it. A.. I don't hate her, quite the opposite but I don't tell her I love her anymore. In fact, I really want to use one of her lines against her and tell her that I don't believe she ever loved me. B... It was avoidable!!!!! Don't have a F'ing A!!! Although I appreciate the invite to the circus, I was planning on taking D3 myself, but if she wants to pay I'm good.

Now I hear her walking around upstairs. Think she is trying to figure out what I'm doing. Not much. Cooked some snow crab for dinner at 9:30 pm. Don't usually eat that late but I didn't eat before I went to church tonight.

The past couple of nights I've begun to vacillate on whether I really want to be with her anymore. Rather than hope and pray for a R, I've begun praying to be able to forgive her when I move on without her because I'm no longer sure I'm interested in R even if she dumped the chump and showed some remorse. I'm not going to say or do anything rash because I want to do what is best for D3 1st and me 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc...

Lol. She just came downstairs to let me know it was chilly upstairs (she thought I had the heat turned up downstairs, I didn't, it's on a timer and set at 62 during the night). She also let me know that she messaged me on FB (same message I mention earlier in this post). Told her I know in the same manner than Han Solo tells Princess Leia when she tells him that she loves him.

Mostly journaling, but I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks!!!