B's 10-Week Bootcamp

[Bfice3]

The next morning (I was angry and pursuing all at once):

Me: For better or for worse, in sickness and in health...till death do us part. Guess, I'm finding out who you really are...and you aren't who I thought you were all these years. I don't know why I'm sending this text. I'm still in disbelief that this is how this ends. Your responses yesterday all but admit you've slept with another man...what difference does it make...it makes every difference. I may not have been who you wanted, but I never left, I never quit, I never went to another woman...I still haven't, and won't for a long time...I know none of this matters and you simply don't care. Its just so incredibly disappointing that this is how you've chosen to be. You can say what you need, but the truth is, this is all your creation. You gave up on us, went to another man, and now simply want me to be subservient to your wishes so that you can move on to another other man. I love you WW. And through everything, I never wanted anyone else. All I ever wanted was for you to give me your love. Anyway...

Me: I know that you won't respond. I also know you cannot be honest about this, ever, to me, to yourself, to friends, family, co-workers...I'm sure you've had to even lie to the other men, and I doubt that your even honest with your sister. It hurts like hell, to be left at all, but the way you've done this...you couldn't have been more hurtful if you tried. Your fake concern, fake counseling arrivals, fake everything...with a deep current of hate, disdain, and resentment flowing freely...and I knew it...I just foolishly hoped I was wrong. I wasn't.

***5 hours later***

WW: Don't take my silence as confirmation of anything you just said. I haven't slept with other men. I'm not lying to everyone and I didn't and am not leaving my precious children. My attempts weren't fake. I'm just tired of having to repeat my stance of being faithful. Pretty soon I won't respond to that accusation anymore.

Me: There have been no attempts from you...other that to create a false perception that you were 'trying'...and that was never done for my benefit. I don't say any of that based on your words. I say all of that based on the evidence I've seen, and the actions you've taken, and more importantly the actions you haven't taken. Not to mention the lies, the sneaking, the emotional breakdowns, just the whole series of events...it plays out so obvious...even though you think you've been so clever. I just thought that like me, you would remain committed to the end...good or bad.

Me: And understand, that I don't have a false fairy tale notion of where our marriage was...but...I still feel that if we had wanted there was nothing so wrong that it couldn't be made new or better than it ever was. That is where we truly differ. You decided you wanted out. You gave up on us. And to justify it in your head you are fabricating your version of events, rewriting our past, and demeaning me at every opportunity. I've done nothing, except try to reconcile, grow, recover, and become a better person. Nothing I have done, has warranted the visceral responses I get from you. You simply have to have me as the villain, because you are unwilling to face the reality of your actions.

Me: Do you realize that even yesterday when you called, I had hoped that it was because you wanted to talk about 'us'...?

***5 hours later***

WW: If only you would have been nice and let S(9) spend the night with me freely. Sunday would have gone much differently.

Me: Believe me, I wish nothing more than to be able to believe that was true...or rather, that there was/is any series of actions and/or words that could create a path back to 'us'. But, the reality is, nothing I do or say matters as long as you don't want me or 'us' anymore.

Me: And therefore...the only logical course of action for me, is take care of myself and any amount of interaction I can have with my children.

Me: But you won't call, you won't write, you won't stop by and visit, you won't invite me to coffee...I won't hear from you at all except a forwarded email and a text about kids. And that is my reality.

***The next message was the following day at around noon***

WW: I will be home today, so please drop the kids off after school.

Me: Ok