When the goal is positivity

[JulieH]

Grlonfr

Thank you for sharing. What's great about each of us willing to tell our experiences is that others can learn from our mistakes and regrets.

I understand better what you mean about separating out thoughts of reconciliation from working in your own best interests. In the beginning of my situation, husband had told me he hadn't decided on whether he wanted to work for reconciliation. I held off on requesting CS because I was afraid it would affect our chances. Once he told me no reconciliation i filed. I accepted and was mentally moving on. Then he told me yes possible reconciliation. Now limbo again.

Right now husband has to make decision of whether he wants to move forward torwards divorce or move forward torwards reconciliation. If he says divorce, I am not going to engage the possibility of R. Mentally, I can't live like that. It would just extend this limbo period I so detest. I would move forward in any way I had to. My decisions will be made to best meet the needs of the kids. I will not make decisions based on the possibility that my decision and goodwill might make him change his mind about me. With him, it won't work....

In fact, I don't really see the sense in discussing the terms of a divorce settlement unless that is what he wants to do. It makes no sense to me. So I don't know why he even mentioned it.

Now if he says reconciliation is where he wants to move to it is a bit more complicated cause it's essentially still a limbo period. Like you, i will worry that His goal is to set me up in a position that he can gain a better legal advantage in. This mutual suspicion will hinder reconciliation. How could it not? but I have to wait and see what is said.