I am not a good Dber because I've never had to DB. Rather simple really. I never had a chance with Mr Ex. All my DBing has been towards myself and that seems like a crazy notion but all the same true. I guess my approach to being here is that I am good at waving the flag, I am good support. I add a piece here or there when I see someone struggling. But I don't have the courage or bravery it takes to really help someone through this. I don't have the courage to call someone out on their stuff. Stuff I can see getting in the way. I am coward Julie. I have been with you.
I am so sorry for the pain and hardship you had to endure at the end of your relationship with Mr. Ex I am so greatful you came to this site to heal. Your story touched me so much, and I always think Of the beauty and grace and generosity you showed Mr Ex's daughter. Unlike me, you seem to have set the example of what one should aspire to become like spiritually. You do not need these boards or this way of healing for the same reasons I do. But I think and I hope they have and continue to help you. I think perhaps we have to experience pain and suffering in life because it is the only way we grow and truly learn to empathize with others. When I first came on here, a poster (possibly Zelda?) told me that most people on here have a very minimal to nil chance at successfully busting their divorce. That the real purpose of these boards was to heal ourselves. You have a way of saying things that is kind, eloquent, insightful. Your responses are not only well thought out but of so much depth. I believe it was ancaire, who so brilliantly said the statements you write are to be saved and reread multiple times. I couldn't agree more. There is so much depth to what you say. I am greatful. (That being said, I would be open to 2 x 4s because I know they are meant from a good place)
So I am soooooo happy that you have Zues. And now you have found Swiggy.
You have all the bases covered now to DB the sh*t out of this sitch.
I feel like Squiggy will now support you through the more therapuetic steps of this journey with H. I am glad. My gut tells me you are ready.
You are incredibly responsive to men with high emotional intelligence and firm logical arguments Julie. that has been apparent for a long time. You are incredibly open to what they provide you. It seems to me that the way they engage you makes you so open to seeing things differently. It's a quality you are literally begging your H to have everytime you interact with him.
I wonder what it is about H and being in relationship to him that stops your from being so open. Sure there is the intimate nature of the relationship and we always struggle for asking for what we need from someone we are emotionally invested in. But there is something else here for what my opinion is worth.
What is the Zues and Squiggy do that opens you up, that makes you open to being critiqued, that allows you to express yourself with little to no anger. That allows you to communicate from a place I feel, rather than I think. Is it because they lead and you are happy to follow or is it something else they do that makes you feel safe.
You have referenced logical thinking and robust discussion as being innately something you need. Is this what they provide you.
. I am uncomfortable with my previous response, which was not very well thought out or respectful to the many, many brilliant and direct female posters who have helped me and who I wish I could just meet and befriend IRL!
Yes it is true, because I grew up with mostly boys and ( a tomboy mom )I get more intimidated with females So talking to and approaching men is easier for me. But I dont think that's what it's about. I am pretty open to criticism from any gender if it's respectfully discussed or at the very least done with good intention. My husband could not do this with me and I could not do this with him. Maybe because when I interact with my husband there are emotions involved. It is not objective and detached, like on these boards or with my friends. In our case, because there has been so much anger and resentment there is no logic to husbands anger and complaints and stone walling and actions. I feel like I'm on uneven playing ground. At least in my mind I am. I guess I am seeking someone to answer and interpret for him as well?
To note: I think H has the ability to meet this need. And I don't think he is having an affair either. I hope to be proven right.
Julie, I don't have the eloquancy or intellectual nouse to describe what either of these two gorgeous men Zues and Squiggy can. But listen to what they have to say. I have not missed a post on your threads in the last couple of months. There is nothing that either Zues or now Squiggy have said to you in the last 24-48 hours that I haven't been thinking and feeling about your sitch.
You are getting so close to where you need to be. And frankly I know it scares the bejeezes out of you.
yes. I feel so overwhelmed. My vitals are up. I am not sleeping well. My life can go in so many directions at this point and I am not even sure which direction I want it to go in. I see all these little webs of possibilities and positives and negatives of each decision and what ifs and I am just depressed and anxious.
There is also something I do know, you being emotionally vulnerable is going to change everything.
As I always say just because I don't post doesn't mean I don't care or not supporting you. I just think other's are giving you everything you need.
So much love for you Julie.
Jellyxxx
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
