Shes in the middle of affair..Im lost

[LiM]

Hi dknyc,

So sorry you are here but it is a good place to be. It won't make the pain go away but it can help with your sanity. I've been married 19 years and discovered my W's A on Dec 30th of last year. I confronted her 6 days later (took some time to wrap my head around it all) and we separated immediately. The devastation you are feeling is the most horrible thing in the world. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
The pain is going to be with you a while. I don't think there is anything that can make it go away other than time. And you cycle between every imaginable emotion; sometimes all in the same day. Its exhausting and you'll feel like you can't go on.
The hardest thing to come to grips with is to know that you have NO control over the situation. Your 14 years together means nothing to her right now. She could care less. The ONLY thing you have control over is yourself. So get a plan together and work on YOU.
I would also recommend that you stop the spying. That has been very difficult for me to do personally. Just yesterday, I made myself delete my FB app from my phone and took the bookmark of my browser so that I wouldn't be so tempted to look at things. In my case, every time I looked, I could see the the EA is still going on even though I believe the physical has stopped. Every time I see it, it sends me into a downward spiral and I just can't deal with that anymore. No good can come from continuing to torture yourself. Let it go. She is not going to come back unless she wants to no matter what you do.
I feel like [censored] every day but I'm trying to take care of myself. I've lost 20 lbs since we separated but I've been exercising and running every day. You need to try and do the same. At first, you're not even going to be able to make it day to day. Start with hour to hour.
Post often. This is a good group and you'll have support here. Go to counseling. Talk to friends you can trust. Take care of yourself the best you can.

LiM