In true not DB style, just bought STBXH a necklace on behalf of kids. Still feeling bad about it, so I decided to replace it. It should be arriving while I'm away to see my parents.
Girls told me that he isn't wearing the one from OW, and the fact he wore it in the first place made me think. It must mean a lot to him to have taken the risk of wearing it, so I though that if he really wants to wear it maybe as a present on behalf of his kids would be nice. Not expecting him to wear it, not bothered to have spent the money. I just thought that I'd be a nice gesture from me to apologise. People might think that I'm using it as a way to control what he wears and as a way to show OW that I'm still in the picture ( now writing it, it feels like that), but it wasn't my intention. STBXH said I never showed that I care me for him, and he was right. When we started to date, I'd buy him things but stopped as it wasn't reciprocal (now I know you do things out of kindness, not too expect something in return) and he'd either lose the presents or if it was clothes he'd wear them for work. This is a 180 for me. I know STBXH is long gone, so by doing it I feel that I'm redeeming myself.
I know the timing is also Valentine's time, and as we never celebrated I felt that it would be a new tradition from the kids. The old me has always loved offering presents to the people that I love/ loved, as now I'm getting back to who I was before I started dating STBXH, I want to do it.
I have no expectation, so I know I won't be disappointed. It felt right for me to do it.
Other than that another positive day, achieve a lot and told my kids how proud of them I was because they both did very well today. I'd praised them, unfortunately something would be missing. This time I felt true love by telling them. Can't describe it properly except that it felt right.
