The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

Today STBXW and I took S9 to the doctor.
Three months have passed since he had his first epileptic seizure and started taking the medication.
So, once again, he had to perform an exam while being asleep. And for that to happen he had to spend the previous night awake.
STBXW and I, like for the last time, split the night in half, each one of us spending half of it with S9 and the other sleeping.
We spent the night at my place.
And this time I decided to do something different from what I have been doing since the separation.
I decided to act in a more pleasant and not so distant way.
I decided to talk back and just not reply with monosyllables.
I decided so smile a bit.
I decided to look at her for longer periods of time.
I decided to even start some topics and share some feelings and thoughts.
What can I say, it went very well.
STBXW smiled a lot at me, looked at me with intensity and talked a lot. She touched me intentionally once or twice.
If I would be taking notes and setting short-term goals I would have a lot of improvements to report.
It was a bit like old times. It was a bit like being married to that woman again.
But it was also like being her gay boyfriend.
And this time I was aware of the situation and of my emotions.
It didn't hurt, much.
I know we could be happy and get along together. However, STBXW decided otherwise.
And long ago I decided I will not be friend with this person after the divorce. And since our brief reconciliation and separation I have been acting as if we are already divorced.
But it was a very pleasant day, I have to say.
At least until I took S9 to his mother's house, a house where I have never lived and where my kids live without their father.
That's why STBXW will not have in me a friend.