New night(s)

[kyrie]

I hear you about that rock bottom (if he can ever reach it... he's managed a LOOONG time just missing it).

Do not underestimate the power of 1) Inertia and or 2) a man's capacity for wallowing in their "stuckness", which is like one step above catastrophe and "the bottom",

By analogy, Some folks are FORCED to move (evicted?) and so, they go...but up till that moment -- they'll stew about how "crowded or cluttered or messy & dirty their room is, and wallow in it or sleep in it and blame others for it, or ignore what everyone else sees.

So to sum up, my point is, don't necessarily think that:

A) he will hit rock bottom, AND B) realize it is the bottom rung;

AND C) that he will GET UP from there.

He may well stay one notch above "bottom" and worse, he may want you there with him.

FIxing this isn't impossible but it's darn hard. On his end, it would mean overcoming the "inertia" (or capacity for wallowing in misery), and overcoming what I see as his insecurity, and all the self respect * self esteem issues I believe him to have--which are factors in how he mistreats you, and it means a lot of behavioral work (ie changes in his behavior) and humility on his end, and bravely looking inward is also work.

Yeah, reading this^^ out might look daunting to you. Imagine how it looks to HIM.

it's easy to see why "starting fresh" has appeal. But it means blaming you for all of it, given his profession, if that's the route he wants.

BTW, how would YOU FEEL if he left the ministry?

I was asking about my own preparation for that...best thing in that moment?
Gonna start a new thread because I'm ready to pull the plug.

Yeah. I hear you about rock bottom *and* wanting me along for the ride. Why not? I pay all the bills - what better way to go. Yeah, daunting....
He was in major MLC mode for a long time. I tried to be as clear as I could that I'd support & love him no matter if he were a ditch digger, a blues drummer (his dream), or whatever. I think he got that. It's the moral implications of being a pastor which scare him and makes him want to flee. That, and the fact that he isn't in a regular congregation/full time position. I totally understand how crappy that probably feels. He knows I understand that much.