Sorry you have to go through this. I certainly don't think you have done anything dumb - sounds like you took action so that you will not allow her to keep lying and disrespecting you and your family. You were living in a lie and now you are not. I always think honesty is truly the best strategy in this. Your family deserves to understand what is happening, and especially the OMW so that she can know the truth of her own marriage and make decisions for herself.
From my experience, the vast, vast majority of the time this happens the OM will immediately throw your WW under the bus to save his own butt. At least temporarily. Your WW will probably only get crazier one way or the other, and it really isnt your concern because no matter what she says, its got nothing to do with you.
I agree with the other posters about not making a hasty decision about either divorce or taking her back. You should do neither right now. But you should absolutely be taking action right now. And it should be all about yourself, not your WW or marriage for now. Exercise and eat healthy. No alcohol. Consult with a couple of lawyers to understand your rights in an infidelity divorce, eliminate the fear of the unknown, and learn what you should do to put yourself in a strong position. Start documenting all the things you do and the time you spend with your kids in a handwritten journal, with dates and times. Document all the times she is gone. Separate your finances and close out any joint credit cards. You will likely have to pay at least 50% of her current debt, but there are ways to start the clock where she is responsible for new spending. Whether you eventually divorce or reconcile wont be decided now, and the decision may not be up to you. But putting yourself in the strongest position possible now will pay off either way.
