In House S (7)

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

Yes so much anger. I am angry for her having us in this sitch. I am angry for her trying to talk to me last night like that, So confrontational right from the start. I am mad that I responded like I did. I felt boxed in, I was in the basement and she was standing in my way to get out of there.

I am angry that she hold over my head that I didn't want to change three years ago. She was trying to make me into a different person, getting me to do things that were not me.

I don't know about the ring, I haven't put it back on, It was something I was struggling to put on everyday as I have to take it off for work. Logically I should just put it back on, I am still married. But another part of me liked the feeling of removing it and part of the sitch that comes with it. It was like sheading a part of this bad sitch. Freeing myself. But its all false, I am not free.

I don't know how to respond now, If I should just apologize or what. I am thinking she doesn't deserve me. I have put this effort in and stood my ground for her and us and she has no feeling on it except for me to go.

I am trying to get balanced today. I has STFU for a month then it builds up and I let it out. I was doing it but she kept pushing me, with more questions one after another. Then putting me down saying I did nothing all this time. That I was just sitting there ignoring it. Validating only got me so far.

Just to go from doing all these family things together, her getting new family pets and no talk of the S for weeks. To the S talk we had out of the blue last night. I was caught so off guard.

I don't know. I am shaken today. My world has stopped right now, I don't know what to think. I am paused. Not sure what is going to happen.

She was asking me why I have to see it at extremes , I want to say married or never talk to her again. I think its plain why. If she is rejecting me, I want to lessen the pain so I remove her from my life as much as I can.