Julie, have you sought different legal advice? This is one of the things that I regretted not doing. Find a lawyer that is fair but will not hesitate to fight for your interest. Mine didn't really.
Financially, going the mediation route was a major failure for me and by the time we got there, I was so exhausted by the ex's lies and manipulation that I just gave in. I didnt hold him accountable for his promises.
In hindsight, I should have compartmentalised the R from the D. Settle the D issues first. Once I can be assured that kid and I would be financially provided for in a fair manner, I could then R without the fear that the ex was using R to get out of his financial obligations. It's near my bedtime now and I hope I am making sense.
This is what 25yearsmlc posted in one of her recent posts. She herself is a L but still she made sure that she got sound legal advice from another L to get fair and unbiased advice. Once she knew that she and her children would be fine whether or not she D, she would be fine. FYI, she is one of the successes here.
With the ex, while we were trying to R, there was the suspicion both ways that we were trying to take advantage of each other. When I tried to talk to the ex about the D terms, we always ended up quarrelling and hating each other. He saw me as only interested in the financial aspect and didn't understand my fear of not having a house for kid and myself.
Like your H, the xh Has always been very well-provided and until he married me, had never had to worry about jobs and finances. His parents provided for everything. My working/not working has always been a big issue for him and his mother. He couldn't cope with having a family because he's never had responsibilities. Apparently, I ruined happily ever after for him. I should stop before I get called out for making him out to be a monster. But nowadays I really do feel that way. :p
I feel for you cuz Our Hs are very similar.
So maybe like what Zues has suggested, get good experts who will think for you. Especially a good L. And then you should concentrate on your R, leaving any dirty work to your L. Is it possible to agree not to talk about D terms with your H?
Get your bases covered and you would stop feeling so vulnerable. Then work your a$$ off at R.
Rooting for you.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
