Lou, I am sorry to hear that your hands aren't any better. I do hope that they can discover what is causing them to flare up and can recommend a course of action to help alleviate some of the pain.
Your h reminds me of a toddler learning to walk. He stands on wobbly legs and holding on to something, but is also looking back to see if mom is there to catch him if he falls. When he sees that mom is still right where he left her, he continues to take those wobbly steps until he reaches the next object to grab.
Lou, what may have happened w/your h is he realized that you were moving on w/your life and he had a panic attack that you weren't going to remain where he left you pre-crisis. So, what did he do? He told you how he felt, but he's still not ready to recommit fully. This is where you need to start thinking of dropping the rope and moving forward for a while. You are getting disappointed and frustrated w/his behavior. Lou, he's still playing in the replay pool and it's going to be some time before his words match his actions. He's content and happy that you are right back where he left you a while ago. I know you would dearly love to reconcile, but you need to drop the rope of expectation for a bit. Consider him just a friend for now...nothing more. If you can do that, hopefully your expectations won't go up and you can accept him for who he is right now, i.e., someone who is still a bit in replay.
Your toddler needs to grow up and learn to walk on steady legs w/o mom being there to catch him.
I do hope you feel better soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
