In a lot of ways you are both powerless. Neither of you are in control of everything here. Neither can control each other. Neither can wave a wand and make the relationship work the way either of you want. Neither can separate and avoid some of the hard consequences of D.
I think H feels powerless because he can't change you and get you to be the partner he feels he needs (right or wrong), he is at the mercy of the courts as to his future life, ultimately he is faced with either being in a marriage where he feels unfulfilled and undermined, or he is single again only without the freedom and youth he once had and instead with chains around him forcing him to work hard for the rest of his life for a family he feels evicted from.
Why does he feel he was kicked out? I don't think he means physically Julie. I think he means he was edged out of the family and felt unwanted and rejected. I'm just speculating now, but I'd imagine that it was you and the children, and he felt left out and neglected, and finally just felt he didn't have a place with you anymore, that he was supposed to be the head of the house, and instead he was dead weight good for nothing more than to power the finances. Another reason he is sensitive about the child support, he interprets this as proof this is all he is good for is a paycheck.
I think professional help is required here. I know that my XW was truly out of touch with the reality of how things would work out post D. I am GLAD we used lawyers and mediators, because if it was between me and her I would've been the bad guy, but since she had experienced representation counseling her people other than me finally started talking some sense into her. At the same time, she had valid points and there were areas that I needed to flex. Bottom line, when both people have representation, or there is a counselor making sure both parties have a voice, people feel heard, and they feel more safe as they learn their options.
What professionals do you have helping the two of you through this? Can you get help?
Remember J, no matter what happens, your kids will eat. My promise. If the day comes I need to ship you some ramen noodles let me know. We're a family on DB for sure.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
