shreeve - Easy enough. Click on anyone's name and then go to View posts. From there click on Topics Created, and you should be able to find their initial posts.

JulieH - I'd love to see your source so I can get it in context. When I hear Mediation, I think of it in legal terms between two parties that are divorcing. Reconciliation is more about coming together and agreeing to work on the MR. I'll go into length here as I see it, because it is beneficial to all. That being said...

There are going to be compromises and "demands". The difference between your average person and us DBers is that our "demands" are actually Boundaries. A healthy, well-laid boundary is not an ultimatum, per se, but a statement of what you will and will not do. That's why we are coached and learn to only set truly important boundaries (infidelity, transparency, physical touch, abuse (P,S,E, and drug/alcohol, to give examples). Wonka has an amazing thread on boundaries that you can find in Cadet's initial list of homework. I took the crash course on boundaries with her's and Starsky's help.

Another way to think of it is addressing the issues of the previous marriage (the old marriage is dead, remember?) in a healthy way. Our spouses did leave for good reasons, despite the way they did it (e.g. infidelity as a result of no connection or being taken for granted - I can go on all day about reframing). Both parties need to change and address those issues. Us DBers do it through our 180s and GAL. As a couple we do this through communication, validation, hearing each other out, and compromising.

In my case, since you asked, yes. Her and I both had a list for each other, BUT we worked really hard to make it reasonable and achievable. Or, as I like to think of it, the minimum necessary to allow our M to be reforged. I required transparency (boundary), no more infidelity (boundary), return home (because of S6), and Retrouvaille. I was asked to listen, stop trying to fix unless asked, and spend more time with my family.

Let me know if you need more of an explanation or have more questions. I am far from a guru in DBing, but I will help as much as possible.

M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present