Just to reply to Shotgun as I don't want to high jack his post and I'm sorry if it's too long.
No my STBXH isn't a fool, he is just a person who has a lot to deal from his childhood and didn't get the support I should have provided him with. He felt unloved (not that I don't love him, but I didn't show it enough since birth of the kids), critized (he was right as whatever he was doing it wasn't good enough for me), not understood ( I wasn't listening to him and couldn't see things from his point of view).
My MIL's words will haunt me for the rest of my life. When I got married, she said look after your H. I laughed it off and here I am now.
Gradually I'm coming out of my depression, seeing positive things instead of negatives ones, becoming more caring and more genuinely interested in others and not expecting things in return when I do something. A bright example of this is that today I cooked pancakes for one of my daughter's group. I did it because I wanted too, and wasn't expecting anything in return. That's a huge 180 for me, and I felt so happy and so proud. Even the lady who runs the group said it was the first time someone offered to do it. I was so pleased to make someone happy. A couple of years, I wouldn't have done that!
Regardless of what happens to my M, I realise that my M should have been my priority ( and it'll be in my new relationship), that I had let myself go badly (I won't go out without make up now!), that I didn't appreciate what I have (always wanting something better), that I was very judgmental ( and refused to admit that I was wrong), that I was scared of having boundaries just in case I'd be left by my OH (oops! already done :-)!).
That I was very negative (still working on it though), very stressed (still in progress) and I wasn't putting things on the big scale. I wasn't also validating him and I realised that he felt in love with my because I was confident, strong minded and at the same time he was my world. I can't turn the clock back, and I wouldn't anyway as it'd mean that I would still be the victim and wouldn't look at my responsability in the failure of my M.
There is still a lot of work to do for me, and I'm definitely on the up. Ask me in Sunday and that would probably another story.
I want to be happy and I want this for my kids. So to start my new Valentine's tradition I'll get a red rose for each of my girls, a card and a little something. I'll get a rose that they'll put on their granny's grave. I will take them to see their grandad.
I'll carry on my journey regardless of the outcome of my M. I know there will be some though time ahead, luckily I'm in a stronger place now. All I know is that your support has been such a life saver for me and I'm thankfull for everyone who has followed me, commented, picked me up when I was down and gave me a good kick in the backside when needed.
