Don't feel too hard on yourself. You are putting up with a lot more than I did. Can I give you few suggestions, I'm not saying that I'm right, maybe it can help.
Does H need to be in house in the morning so early, couldn't he come when you are about to leave? Since my STBXH has gone I'm no longer stress in the morning and kids are happier.
For the evening, could you pick up kids from where he is staying or agree with him to not stay too long?
I know it's hard, I have been there. Since I drop kids to their dad, I'm starting to feel better and don't resent him anymore when I have to see him!
Hi Rouky, thank you for your help. I honestly am not really sure why H comes round so early on the days he is taking D to school. I haven't asked as I felt it was pursuing and I try to only communicate when he initiates. At first I thought it was so he saw S too on days that he wouldn't see them in the evening - but he even does it on days when he will see them in the evening and it is still a full 45 minutes before S has to leave for school!
I like both of your suggestions about before and after school. If he has brought D home from school he tends to just sit around like he is waiting for me to make the tea as he knows that S will always ask him if he's staying for tea and then he just kind of expects a plate of food! I've just been serving him a plate up to try to be the 'lighthouse' but I don't see it is having any effect. I am scared of doing these things in case it pushes him further away, but at the same time I think about doing them a lot and wonder if making our home less available to him would make him miss us/me and do some good. So tired of not knowing which way to turn.
