I decided to keep our house. Yes at first for the wrong reasons. Thinking we will get back together and things will be fine.
Then for my kids. This is the home they know.
But if we do divorce i will probably sell because I could not afford to pay her equity. I wouldn't sell based on you thinking it won't work I understand that pain though.
But if you do reconcile then the relationship needs to be new the other stuff is just fillers.
Think of things this way. If you have to go through how very long this crap is and it works in the end was the time significant in the grand scheme of the rest of your lives?
My advice. Do nothing but take care of yourself.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Hey otw... No selling the house is not an emotional decision. I wouldn't be selling it tomorrow.... More like late summer or fall. This one I have thought a lot about... I don't like the house anyway so selling it would be taking care of myself. I actually do not see a down side to selling it.
Stepped up and went to my first yoga class this morning. It was great! It was definitely outside of my comfort zone a bit, I knew no one there. It was laid back and relaxed, just what I was looking for even though the instructor enjoyed cracking on me a lot. It was all in good fun though. It felt good just being around new people. I can't wait to go again! I went to the store after and ran into my in laws. They saw the yoga mat in my cart and asked about it. So I am sure WW will hear about it.
I have felt fantastic the past 2 weeks or so. I don't know if this is the start of some serious detachment or what but I do not think I have felt this way since BD. I have a job interview on Monday. If I could snag this role it would be the icing on the cake. My current job pays real well and is easy peasy, but that is the problem. At work is actually where I sometimes struggle with thoughts of WW, at home I am fine. A new job would eliminate that for sure.
On the WW front, things have been pretty quiet. I have been really trying to stop thinking about her or thinking about me filing for divorce. When either enters my head, I fight to kick it out. It has worked pretty well. She texted me earlier this week for the first time in about 2 weeks to tell me she had her tax form and asked if she needed any others. I just replied with the other form I need and she said... oh yea, I have to find that one then I didn't say anything further. Nothing major, just business. I hate when she texts me like that after some time has passed. No hi, how are you or anything, just right into some blunt statement. It really annoys me. Ah well, whatever, I am doing good.
My mother in law told my wife pretty much right away about my yoga class (I knew she would). This was not the intent, I just happened to run into them at the store.
So anyway, I get this text from WW tonight "so you took a yoga class today"
So what to do here is the question.... I do not want to get dragged down by any BS.... I feel too good right now. I don't want to start spinning.
I am thinking I can ignore this and it is fine. Or I could wait till sometime tomorrow and say something simple like... yea it was good...
Thoughts?
With this tax thing I found a chance to pull a mini 180. Typically, I would be on her hard to get me the forms I need....she hated that. It was dumb on my part, I don't know why I was like that. Probably because my dad was like that. So, in this case, I told her once in early Jan and then never mentioned it again.
I started Yoga back 7 months ago when all this drama started and it has been a life saver. I am so glad you liked it. I love it - I feel so much better after I am done.
I hope others weigh in because I am struggling with trying to be cordial, too (i.e. not too friendly but not cold either). However, I think your plan of waiting until tomorrow to text back and say something like "yes, enjoyed it" seems great IMHO.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I think thats a good idea, wait a few hours or until later. She will be curious why it took so long to respond and what you were doing in the mean time. I know that is what I would be thinking.
so I did wait till pretty late and texted her with "yes, I enjoyed" she followed with some texts. first she said:
WW: nice WW: How do you want to get the tax documents? I can drop them off next weekend or something or you can let me know if you want me to do something else
I had thought about this. I do not think her dropping them off her is a good idea. It could be over whelming and I would not be in control. I have not seen her in 7 months. She lives 30 min away. Here are other options:
a. we could meet in the middle (ehhh probably not the best option). b. she could put them in my car at her work (i park their once a week to take the subway for my class, this makes the most logistical sense, I don't she remembers I park there). c. she could come out and give them to me at her work d. she could mail them to me.
I think I should say "thanks for getting those together! I still park at your work on wed, you could leave them in my car if you want to save a trip up here".
So that was text number 1.. then I get a huge (not particularly good IMO) text at about 1 in the morning... I didn't open these last night. Let's see if I can condense this a bit, I do not know what to say to this one.
I want you to know you're a great husband. The best guy out there and it breaks my heart all the time we aren't able to have a good physical relationship. I'm sorry for everything and wish we had both tried harder to fix things. That being said, I wish you'd realize I not only lost you but... long list of things she lost.... I miss life with you. You were my best friend.... mentions some good times... You talk to my family but you've shut me out completely. I feel like you love having the upper hand... but we need to start communicating. I don't know if it's because you're with someone or just hate me. You have to be able to talk to me so we can figure things out. I'm tired of one word answers that come 6 hours later... This whole thing has been very difficult time for both of us so if you could at least pretend like you realize that it would be great.
I wish I didn't get this one. I don't see anything positive in there... see lots that can be interpreted pretty negatively. Not really sure how to respond to this. I need to validate that it has been difficult for her. Besides that though I am not sure... I hardly ever talk to her family... we live in a small town and they all live close by, so yea I run into them. I could add in a truth dart. When she says, "so we can figure things out".... I don't take that as anything more but that she wants to figure out how to move forward with D (which is actually fine with me). Believe nothing I know, I know... but this shows me her thoughts haven't changed in 8 months.
