Gwen !!! Hello :o) How are you my friend, its about time we had an update from you. I miss you !! Thank you for your kind words.
bttrfly - so glad you got an answer to your question. If you asked for it to be revealed within a dream then that is how it would be. I ask for specific signs to be shown the following day. So far nothing has come to me, perhaps that's my answer - Do Nothing ?
Not much to update, I have been keeping up with everyone's posts, I currently feel that I dont have anything to offer or add, but know that I am thinking of you all.
s19 has moved back home, long story - he was going to move down to his dads, but changed his mind. Came to me last week and he was looking terrible, he admitted to the chest pains and zoning out being back, he is stressed out with worrying about pretty much everything, life had become overwhelming and he now sees what a good deal he had with me. I could not in all conscience leave him to carry on in this way, having him learn a lesson is one thing, but having him getting sick over it is another. So I told him he could move home, ground rules are that g/friend does not live with us anymore, she can stay 2 nights a week. He is to contribute to the household income and respect me and my home. 3 days later I come home from work to find him fully moved back in lol.
Health front - nothing new. I have my skin appt next week and also a follow up with dr about my hands and knees. My hands are the worst, the joints on my fingers extremely painful to touch and stiff most of the time now. I can no longer make a tight fist without pain. I have changed my diet and been taking the supplements, I know stress is a huge factor and its been a couple of years of very high stress levels !!
Work - again, nothing new. Still demanding and I know I need to find something else. But what is the problem, I have not heard anything back from any of my applications which is getting me a bit down, although I am very unsettled right now so perhaps changing jobs is not a good idea. My appraisal is coming up in the next couple of weeks, its what I have been hanging out for, to have something on permanent record ....as long as its good ha ha.
H - well, that's gone arctic cold. I have no idea whats going on. The mixed messages continue and I am over it to be honest. I have had the odd text and call, I keep it all about him and light chit chat, but I am running out of things to talk about, there is only so much kids, weather and his life (which he is sketchy about and I dont bother pushing for knowledge anymore) that I can chat about! I did do one thing though - in the "try something and see what the response is" category. We just had a long weekend here, so on the Friday I did my weekly text to h (thanks sotto and job) and he responded as usual. I then said I should have invited him up for the weekend as I had it off too - his answer was that s22 was going camping so he had no one to dog sit. I did not actually want him to come visit - like I say, I dont know what to talk about anymore - but I thought I would put it out there that I am still interested. He has never asked me how I feel after xmas or told me how he felt afterwards. He has not talked to me about anything and now I dont ask, nothing gets said. It turns out he had a whole weekend of going out with friends planned so he would not have come anyway.
I am bored of this, fed up of being treated like I dont matter. He make this huge declaration about it all now being about me and I am the one he wants to be with end of story - then does a 180 and its back to all being about him and what he wants; he told me a while ago that he wont be doing "whatever it takes" at the cost of him. Just so selfish and unappealing right now. Until I see some action then all I hear is blah blah blah, I can't be doing with it. He knows where I am, its his responsibility to make this happen, but the longer this goes on, the more he messes me about, the further away I go from him. His thoughts on all this seem to change constantly, he goes cold and withdrawn so I question it and he says "no? nothing has changed, my end goal is the same" but then completely ignores me - does he think I am going to just run into his arms when he is finally ready ??!!
Well that is this weeks take - I am sure he will reel me in again at some point lol.
I have my holiday to look forward to, I have no plans for it, I need to save the money - hence cancelling my girls trip - but it will be good to have some time away from work and give my joints a break. Good news is that I have been told I have accursed enough leave so I will get paid for it :o)
So that's all from me - like I said, nothing really happening. I need to try and kick start my GAL stuff, its all fallen behind and the lower I get the less I do things, I have found myself in a vicious circle that I need to break.
